Dear Family Coach: We live in New York, and my in-laws live in Florida. My wife wants our children, ages 13 and 10, to fly by themselves to see Grandma and Grandpa this Christmas. I, however, am terrified. What if something happens, like an emergency landing or an unexpected 15-hour stopover in Milwaukee? Or, heaven forbid, a plane crash? I could never live with myself. That's why I want to put my foot down and refuse. Can I? — Grounded

Dear Grounded: Can you refuse to let your children fly by themselves? Absolutely. You're a parent, and they're minors. It's well within your rights. However, based on your reasoning I don't think you should do so.

Being nervous is a normal part of parenting. However, your nerves shouldn't your children's chances to have experiences that are safe and that they are capable of. If they are interested in flying solo and the grandparents are excited to receive them, you should let them go.

Parents sometimes obsess over the worst-case scenario. They picture very dark things happening to their precious angels. But their fears are often unfounded. According to one study, the odds of dying in a plane crash are 1 in 11 million. Think about that. According to another source, your children have a greater likelihood of being hit by lightning seven times than dying in a plane crash. Those are insane odds. Furthermore, domestic airlines are generally fantastic when it comes to ferrying minors. All children are registered as such, and receive special care from flight attendants during the trip. Upon arrival, they cannot simply walk off into the abyss. A pre-approved adult has to show proof of identification, and then sign the kids out.

Instead of approaching this with fear, see it for what it really is: a learning experience where your kids can take another important small step toward independence.

And one more thing. Even if you are terrified, don't let your children know. They should be comfortable and excited for the journey. The trepidation is your burden. Don't make it theirs to share.

Dear Family Coach: When my brother visits our house to see the kids he's usually drunk. They're 3, 4 and 6, and I think they're too young to know. Do I need to say anything to him if it isn't causing problems? — Not Sure Dad

Dear Not Sure: At those ages it's unlikely your kids would understand inebriation. But they aren't too young to notice the smell or the bloodshot eyes or the erratic behavior. Don't teach them that this is customary behavior by pretending it doesn't exist.

Furthermore, if your brother is intoxicated now, when the children are small, who's to say he won't be intoxicated during visits five or 10 years from now? By then it'll be normalized unhealthy behavior, and there's no telling how that will impact the children.

I'd set aside a time for lunch or coffee, just you and your brother, and explain why it's inappropriate for him to be drunk around the children. Make sure he knows how important he is to you, how you need him in your life, and how much you and the kids love him. But be firm. He's a role model, and your children are impressionable, and you will not allow drunkenness in their presence. You might also suggest (again, carefully) that he seek help and offer to assist him. Make sure he understands that you're speaking out of love. Someone who is always drunk in your presence isn't drunk only in your presence. He sounds like he has a problem and could use your help.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.