Dear Family Coach: My 13-year-old daughter has the most incredible red hair with ringlets. It's really striking, and she gets a lot of attention for it. She mostly enjoys the attention. But often, people she doesn't even know feel compelled to run their fingers through her hair. They just want to touch it. My daughter isn't particularly touchy-feely, and she feels violated when someone touches her hair. How can I help her politely ward off unwanted touching when the strangers are only trying to be complimentary? — Redhead's Mom

Dear Mom: Your daughter has every right to control how and when her hair is touched. It is an extension of her body, and she should be given complete power to refuse any unwanted touching.

Often, parents worry more about offending others than teaching a child to directly refuse an unwanted hug or other physical gesture. That's a massive mistake. It is difficult for children to draw the line about when they should and shouldn't say no. It isn't your daughter's responsibility to protect the feelings of others when the result would make her uncomfortable.

Tell your daughter to take a small step backward whenever anyone comments on her hair. Being out of arm's reach will help. If someone does reach in, ask her to politely say: "I don't like my hair being touched. Thank you for respecting my wishes." Most people will get the hint. Make sure to smile and use a pleasant tone. No need to be aggressive; just be direct. Lastly, if someone does snag a touch, teach your daughter to say, "It's not OK to touch a girl without asking." This isn't just about her hair. These lessons will stay with her, and hopefully she will know how to say no to any future unwanted advances.

Dear Family Coach: My son is 14 years old. When my husband was 14, his father taught him to drive without a permit. Now he wants to begin teaching our son to drive before he is eligible for his learner's permit. This feels wrong and dangerous to me. How can I convince him to wait? — Scared Mama

Dear Scared: I don't know where your husband learned to drive. If he were living on a farm and driving on his property, that wouldn't be completely unacceptable. However, driving on the roads in traffic with pedestrians nearby is dangerous and unethical. No one imagines a potential mishap. I'm sure your husband assumes him letting your son drive prematurely will go smoothly. But what if it doesn't? What if your son becomes flustered and accidentally pushes the gas when he should hit the brakes? What if that causes the car to jump a curb and hit someone or destroy property? There are severe possible consequences.

The rules for teen drivers are fairly strict in most states because teens are the most at risk for accidents and death while driving a motor vehicle. One doesn't begin driving and immediately acquire all the skills to be an excellent driver. It takes practice. The rules are set up to allow young drivers time to build skills.

I'm sure your husband is trying to be a cool dad and doesn't see the harm. Help him understand that the benefits do not come close to outweighing the risks. Your son will just have to wait. But imagine how excited he will be to get behind the wheel when he becomes of age.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.