Dear Family Coach: There's a family on my block that has a 14-year-old boy who has autism. He gets along better with younger kids, so he often plays with my 7- and 10-year-olds. A lot of parents say they don't want him to play with their kids because they don't want their children playing with older children. The boy's mother has repeatedly tried to explain his condition to the parents, but they're standing their ground. He's not allowed to play with their kids and is alone a lot. Is there a moral obligation to accommodate this boy's needs in the neighborhood? — Disappointed Dad

Dear Disappointed: On behalf of all the parents of special needs children, I thank you for this question. What a shame that your neighbors do not have an understanding of children with different needs and developmental paths. As you have already figured out, this boy is 14 only in chronological years. He is developing his abilities at a much slower rate, making it easier for him to relate to younger children.

Shutting this boy with autism off from other children not only hurts him but it hurts those children, too. When typically developing children are "protected" from those with different capabilities, they miss important learning opportunities. Yes, I believe we have a moral obligation to accommodate all children's needs. However, we cannot make a family open up their home to this boy.

Your best course of action is to continue to create a comfortable space for this boy. Invite him for birthday parties and to play tag in the yard. Hopefully over time the neighbors will see that, despite his age, he is just a little kid who wants to play and have friends — like any other child.

Dear Family Coach: I live in a home with my multigenerational family. In my culture, adult children live with their parents and share the expenses and childrearing. Because of this, our house runs very differently than most of the families in our community. We often feel people are blaming our "structure" for any issues our children might have. How can I get teachers, doctors and friends to understand our living arrangements and not judge us? — Multigenerational Mom

Dear Mom: People judge what they don't understand. And sometimes they turn their noses up when something strikes a nerve. Friends who express concern might wish their family lived closer to have that kind of hands-on experience. The teacher might be overwhelmed with an overcrowded classroom and projecting that frustration onto your living arrangements. Whatever the reason, it's up to you to show people there is more than one way to raise a family. Try to get to the bottom of others' concerns and dispel them. Chalk up most comments as lack of understanding. At least that might make it sting less. Modern parenting has changed drastically in the last few decades. Just about any kind of family you could dream of exists. We can make room for all of them.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.