Dear Family Coach: My wife lets my 10-year-old sit in the front seat of the car. She says it's no big deal, but it freaks me out. Am I overreacting? — Scared Dad

Dear Dad: You aren't overreacting. The safest place for a child to ride in the car is buckled up in the back seat. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the American Academy of Pediatrics, in the absence of state regulations, recommend that a child under the age of 13 sit in the back seat. Why? Because car accidents are a leading cause of death and severe injury in children, and air bags in the front seat contribute to the danger.

This is a complicated issue, though. At age 12, or even at 10, your son might be taller and heavier than I am. I'm a grown-up and I drive, thus I sit in the front seat. But there are many children, including mine, whose height and weight far exceed mine. I can imagine a preteen who is 5 feet 6 inches tall and 120 pounds feeling ridiculous sitting in the back.

You gave no indication of the size of your child. I'm guessing from your strong reaction to your wife's lax attitude that he is nowhere near adult size. Find out why your wife lets him sit in the front. Is it because he is embarrassed to be in the back? Is it because she likes his company? Or has she not even given it a moment's thought? In a calm manner, try discussing the issue again. Hear out your wife and son, and ask them to hear your position. It's too late to reconsider after an accident, so encourage them to make the safest decision until your son approaches the age recommendation.

Dear Family Coach: When our son and daughter speak to each other, they use a very harsh tone. But they don't talk that way to their friends. How can I teach them that their siblings deserve just as much respect? — Upset Parents

Dear Parents: Your kids' tone with each other may not mean that they don't respect each other. It might just reflect a level of comfort that they don't feel with their friends. Children might worry that a friend would dislike them if they were to show all of their true feelings. But family is forever, for better or worse. This doesn't make it right to verbally let loose on each other. It just makes it understandable.

Getting in the middle of siblings is a tricky position. Almost anything you say in the moment when one is being harsh to the other will appear as if you are taking sides. And saying, "Stop talking like that" to both of them will have no effect.

So what should you do? Not much. If either sibling comes to complain about the treatment, help that child find ways to deal with it. And when the kids aren't having a screaming match, discuss their collective responsibility to each other and the family. Explain that as you and your partner age, they will have to work together. Explain that no one else in the world will understand exactly how they grew up; no one will know all of their stories and inside jokes. They will want to preserve their relationship for their own sake. Encourage them, but step aside and let them work through issues.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.