Dear Family Coach: My wife and I are trying to instill a sense of financial responsibility in our children, but it is slow going. We have asked our teen daughters to get summer jobs, but so far they're spending most of their time on their phones, at the mall and at friends' houses. How can we make them go out and get a job? — Spent

Dear Spent: This is an easy one. I wonder who is paying for those cell phones. How are they getting to and from their friends' houses? And what exactly are they doing at the mall? I am sure they aren't spending their own money, right? You have loads of leverage to show the girls that living in your household is a two-way street. You are happy to give them rides, phones and spending money for clothing, but all of that comes with a price, and that price is a summer job. Make this a nonnegotiable. Avoiding the issue or dilly-dallying won't change things.

Set daily and weekly goals and deadlines. How many businesses do they need to contact in a day? How many resumes should they print, and how many calls should they make? By what date must have a job, after which date there will be consequences? Explain to these lovely ladies that the result of failing to land a job will not thrill them. If they miss the date, start by turning off their lifelines (aka their phones). That should do the trick. After that, tell them to use their bicycles to get around town, and cut off all their spending money. Pretty soon they will understand that getting a job is a requirement. If they want things in life they are going to have to pay for them. There is no denying it.

Dear Family Coach: My 8-year-old son loves to play sports. There are a number of neighborhood kids with whom he could play, but they are a few years older. Instead of joining them he secretly watches them from our driveway. He knows them and says hello when he sees them. He even lets them play with him if he's shooting hoops in our driveway. But he never wants to join in their activities. What's the best way to get my son to play with them? — Little Kid's Dad

Dear Dad: Your son may be an exceptional athlete; he may be grown-up for his age. But years in elementary school are like dog years. The differences in growth and development, socially and emotionally, in those years are significant. Your son might be able to hang with the neighborhood kids, but his confidence isn't there yet. Pressuring him won't make it happen any sooner.

Tell your son that you have noticed he is a bit hesitant to head over to the neighbors' houses and play. Ask him what that's about. Try to figure out what worries him. Also, help him develop relationships with these kids on and off the court. Invite the older kids over for a "horse" tournament in your driveway. Organize a street fair for the block with loads of activities so the kids can interact. Once your son feels comfortable hanging with these kids he will be more likely to slip on his sneakers, grab his basketball and head down the street to join in their game.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.