Dear Family Coach: My friend's daughter (who is good friends with my daughter) is partying and drinking almost every night. It's the end of the year, and she should be studying. Instead she is posting pictures of herself pounding beers on social media. I'd like to tell my friend because if I were her parent, I would want to know. But my daughter is adamant that it will ruin her friendship. What should I do? — In the Middle

Dear Middle: This situation is complicated because you have competing interests. Your daughter wants to keep her friendship intact, as do you. But the best interest of the child and family is also at stake.

In general, it's a good idea to stay out of other people's parenting. There is more than one way to raise a child, and we often sound judgmental when we try to offer constructive criticism. Unless this child is in danger of hurting herself or others, leave it alone. Examples of danger include driving drunk, jumping off a cliff or doing something illegal, like vandalism or stealing.

Chances are your friend is either aware of her daughter's exploits and doesn't see the issue, or oblivious. If you point out her lack of oversight, she will likely be defensive and embarrassed. Out the window goes your relationship and your daughter's in one fell swoop. Putting your nose in where it might not belong may also stick a wedge between you and your daughter. Remember that your relationship with her should be preserved whenever possible.

Instead of getting involved, have your daughter try to talk to her friend. Tell your daughter to ask her friend whether she needs help. Also, have your daughter keep a lookout for the friend having a substance abuse issue. Is she drinking every day? Does she get excessively drunk each time she drinks? Is she blowing off important events and tasks to drink? Is her behavior becoming a danger to herself or others? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, your daughter should discuss her concerns confidentially with the school counselor. If they don't address the issue, then I would intervene with the family and risk the consequences.

Dear Family Coach: My wife is in the military. We know that she will be stationed far from the family in six months. The kids will be in the middle of fifth and eighth grade. I will hate to move them and have them miss their graduations. Is it better to separate the family so the kids can finish out their year, or should I move the kids mid-year? I worry about the strain of breaking up our family. — Worried

Dear Worried: I could make an argument to stay or to go. The answer really depends on a few important factors. Who would be worse off if you were to stay, and by how much? Who would be negatively affected were you to split up, and by how much? Answering these questions will help you weigh the options.

Since this sounds like a short-lived separation, I think you can feel confident staying apart for the year. If you do, find ways for the family to stay connected. Schedule calls and video chats. Send pictures and texts often. And organize a few family holidays where everyone can be together. Remember that when you do reunite, there will be a natural transition period when everyone gets used to being together again.

If you decide to all move together, try to do the same for the kids and their friends. Also, if feasible, consider returning to your former town at graduation time so your kids can celebrate with their friends.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.