Dear Family Coach: My kids are messy. They create disorder in all areas of the house. I feel like I constantly have to nag them for them to clean up. Sometimes I even have to yell. How can I get them to be neater and still keep my cool? — Neater Dad

Dear Neater: Just in case you never received the memo, here it is: Kids are messy. All kids. Some are more inclined to return toys to the closet. But for the most part, it's pretty common for them to have more toys than places to put them. Usually the younger child has more toys. While a mess is sometimes inevitable, here are a few suggestions to help calm the madness.

First, try to contain the kid stuff to one area. A sprinkling of toys in every room will make most adults go batty. Designate a few locations to keep toys, and have your children stick to playing in those areas, one area at a time. Make a rule that all toys must be cleaned up before meals or, if it works better, by day's end. If you have to nag your kids to clean up, something has gone wrong. They probably know they can ignore your requests and you will sometimes clean up for them. Or maybe time ran out before dinner, so the mess is there for another day. Instead of nagging or cleaning up for them, implement consequences. If they don't clean up before dinner, well, they don't get dessert or bedtime stories. Also, add bonuses (rewards) for a great cleanup. Lastly, let go of the idea of a perfectly kept household. By all means keep it tidy, but stressing over maintaining your home to look like no children live there is wasted energy.

Dear Family Coach: In my home we have dessert after dinner every night. It is usually an ice cream sandwich or cookies with milk. The kids have to finish their dinner first. Is this a bad habit or is a little dessert every day not a big deal? — Sweet-toothed Dad

Dear Sweet-toothed: Well, some who fear sugar might worry a bit, but I don't think that's really the issue. At face value, there is nothing wrong with enjoying a small sweet once a day. But the routine can become a problem if they eat sweets more than once a day or have too large a serving. Like it or not, we have an obesity problem in this country. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that childhood obesity has doubled in the last 30 years and adolescent obesity has quadrupled.

I am not a big believer in an all-or-nothing approach. It's best to teach moderation by allowing treats within reason. While your children may not have an issue with their weight at this point, they very well could in the next decade. Setting up subconscious expectation and desire for something sweet every day could negatively impact your kids in the future. I would recommend having some small sweets in the house and saving larger treats for eating out or special occasions. Provide fruit or low-calorie desserts like sugar-free JELL-O as options on some nights.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.