Dear Family Coach: My 13-year-old has obsessive-compulsive disorder and is obsessed with getting perfect grades on everything, even on homework assignments. My husband and I give a quick review of his papers, and if everything looks good, we move on. But there are times when neither of us are sure of the correct answer. When we try to tell our son that it would be better to have his teacher show him how to solve the problem, he falls apart. He breaks our heart, and we end up scouring the Internet to find the answer. I know we probably shouldn't encourage it, but he will make life miserable for everyone if he doesn't submit perfect homework. How can I get this to stop? — Had Enough Parents

Dear Parents: From your description, it isn't clear whether your son has been diagnosed with OCD, or whether you are using the diagnosis loosely. He may be obsessed with his academic performance, but OCD is much more impairing. Symptoms include intrusive thoughts, repetitive ritualistic behavior, the need for symmetry and irrational fears of germ contamination. Your son seems to lean more toward anxiety and perfectionism. His desire for exceptional work and good grades is commendable. The issue isn't his drive; it is his methods for trying to achieve success.

Although he is taking you to the brink of insanity, your behavior is only contributing to the problem. Telling him to ask the teacher over and over again to then give in to his demands only teaches him to petition more feverishly every time. For you, the better approach is to help him work through his anxiety. Ask him to imagine the worst-case scenario and help him imagine living through it. Tell him all work isn't equally important. Homework is meant to sharpen skills and practice learning. Mistakes are part of learning and help you grow and advance intellectually. Decide whether you will or will not look up answers for homework online, and be consistent. He will likely throw quite a tantrum when you change the rules and remain firm. But hang in there because he will eventually have no choice but to ask his teacher. When he does, he will see that the world does not end. Perhaps it will help him improve even more.

Dear Family Coach: My teen daughter will not discuss sex with me at all. I have tried, but she shuts me down. I recently bought her a book to help her learn, but I don't know if I should give it to her without discussing it. Some progressive topics are covered like masturbation and abortion. Is it better to give her the book even though she won't talk about it, or better to withhold it until she agrees to discuss? — Ready for the Talk Mom

Dear Ready: Your daughter is giving you the typical ugh-Mom-you-are-so-disgusting act. She probably thinks she knows everything and doesn't need you or a book. On top of that, talking about sex is embarrassing, so she wants no part of it. Teens also don't want to think of their parents having sex. That discussion too closely tiptoes the line of reality.

If you are comfortable with her knowing about all of the subjects in the book and you feel she is ready for the information, then give it to her regardless. Kids regularly think they have all the answers, but they can be very wrong about important details. That's how myths become truths for teens. Holding off with the information might be a wrong move because she may never be ready to discuss it with you. However, after she reads it, I would try and try again to hammer home some important details. Keep the conversations short and simple, and try to get a point in every now and then.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.