Dear Family Coach: My daughter has been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. She showed the signs for several years. However, she has recently struggled much more in school and even with her friends. Her doctor recommended starting her on medication to control some of her behavior, but we are really against it. There are side effects, and we don't want her to be dependent on medication for the rest of her life. What do you think? — Concerned Parents

Dear Concerned: What if your daughter didn't have ADHD, but was born with a congenital heart defect that required her to be on medication for the rest of her life? Would you consider withholding the drugs? I highly doubt it. When it comes to mental health conditions, people often think that medical management is not a necessity. In fact, many studies show that medication, especially when combined with other therapies, is highly effective in treating ADHD.

There are often side effects to drug therapy of any kind. Your daughter may experience some of them. But there are also risks for avoiding medication. Kids with untreated ADHD can suffer the consequences of impulsivity and poor judgment, such as drug and alcohol use and abuse, pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and car accidents resulting from drinking or texting while driving. These problems don't always disappear after adolescence; they often grow with age. I recommend finding a very good psychiatrist and psychologist to help you manage your daughter's treatment.

Dear Family Coach: Last night I had to work late, so my teen daughter was home alone. This morning at breakfast I noticed that she cut, bleached and dyed her hair. It is now orange and green (her school colors) and completely misshapen. I am livid. She knew that I would've never allowed this if I were home. How should I handle it? — Fuming Single Dad

Dear Fuming: Well that must have been quite an unpleasant surprise. Chances are, your daughter purposely did this while you were out. She knew that you would be adamantly against dying her hair orange and green (not that I blame you), and she was right. You are. In her eyes, if she had asked you first and you said no, she would have had to go behind your back; if she just didn't bother to ask then she wasn't actively disobeying you.

There is little benefit to berating her or fighting about her hair at this point. It will do more harm than good. In the grand scheme of potential teen mishaps, this one is fairly benign. Explain to your daughter that you understand why she chose to do this while you weren't home, but encourage her to talk to you in advance next time. Let her know that you may not agree with her choices, but you will try to have an open mind and give her more freedom. Don't mention the hair again. If she absolutely loves it, you will only hurt her self-esteem. If she hates it, she will feel more comfortable coming to you for help if you don't give her the "I told you so" lecture.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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