Dear Family Coach: When my children get off the school bus, they have a snack. I like them to begin their homework straight away. There is often a good deal of whining and complaining. But I find that if we leave the homework until after dinner, there is just as much whining, and sometimes they don't finish the work by bedtime. Should homework be done first thing after school, or is it best to delay? — Dad Hates Homework

Dear Dad: You and every other parent are sick of homework. The benefits of homework are murky at best, and sadly, it's the worst part of the day for many families. It is currently an unfortunate requirement of our education system. It's best to minimize the damage and maximize the potential for easy completion.

Every child is different. Therefore, the best time to complete homework may be different for each kid. Some children need time to run around and burn off some energy before they sit down for additional work. And studies show that even a small amount of exercise can improve focus. So I recommend letting the kids have some playtime after the snack. To avoid the issue of not completing the homework before bedtime, review how much homework is assigned while your children are having a snack, and then planning your time accordingly.

If they children have a difficult time transitioning from play to homework, you might consider making it a very brief playtime with the promise of extended playtime after their homework is complete.

Dear Family Coach: At 40 years old, I decided to take piano lessons. My daughter and I take lessons with the same teacher on the same day. She is often condescending and rude with regard to my playing. I'm wondering whether she feels threatened by me taking lessons. I enjoy it immensely, but should I quit so she doesn't have to compete with me? — Musical Dad

Dear Dad: No, you should not quit taking lessons. Think about the message that would send your daughter. If you quit, she will only learn that being rude is an effective way to silence competition, and in real life that isn't true. She will also think she has enormous power to talk you out of doing something that you truly enjoy. Lastly, quitting will rob her of the opportunity to deal with feelings of incompetence and anxiety about her own performance.

Now think about the message you would send by not resigning and instead persevering. I hope it's clear you can't drop out. Instead of quitting, talk to your daughter about her behavior. Tell her that it is unkind and unacceptable to taunt you. Ask her whether she would like to talk about how your lessons make her feel. If she expresses concern that you are overshadowing her, then find ways to minimize that: Make sure you aren't fostering the competition in any way. Occasionally ask her for help to understand your lesson, or see whether she'd like to perform a duet together.

If the friction continues, there is one other option you might consider: taking lessons on another day, or practicing at times when your daughter isn't home. You shouldn't quit, but you don't want to flaunt your talent either.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.