Dear Family Coach: My son, who is 11, still sleeps with a security blanket. We thought by now he would have naturally separated from it. He seems open to trying to sleep without it, but we don't want to traumatize him. Any advice? — Linus' Mom

Dear Linus' Mom: Your son sleeps with a blanky. So what? It should be just as acceptable now as it was when he was two. Loving a security blanket doesn't mean your son is insecure. It just means that it gives him comfort. How wonderful that he has something to help him relax at night and sleep. I wouldn't rush to end that relationship.

You only wrote that your son sleeps with his blanket. So as long as it isn't interfering with him living life as a pre-teen during the day then let him enjoy it. He might even take it to college. That's fine. He will only be ashamed of it if he gets the message from you that it is uncool or babyish. Drop the issue completely. He will give it up when he wants to.

Dear Family Coach: My son is 4, and he's generally a good kid, but at times he is aggressive. Most of the time when he hits it's not in anger. He just gets overly excited. Obviously, we discipline him when this happens. Other times however, he gets really angry when someone takes his toys or we make him do something he doesn't want to do. After reading an article about very aggressive children and what can happen if they don't get help early we started to worry. What is the best way to deal with an aggressive child? — Worried Dad

Dear Worried: Your son is four. It is important to remember that he is still figuring out the world. While he may be verbal, able to eat independently and even dress himself, he is only just beginning to understand how to deal with his emotions and social situations. Since you say your son is generally a good kid I am guessing he is not the severely aggressive child described in the article you read. That doesn't mean you should ignore his anger.

It sounds like there are two different types of aggression to address. When your son gets overly excited and physical when a friend visits, for example, don't discipline him. Instead go to his level, put your hand on his back and say, "Oh, I can see how excited you are. Let's use our voice to say hello instead of our hands." Then say hello to the guest. Model appropriate behavior for your son and ask him to redo the interaction appropriately.

You should discipline the aggression that occurs when your son is acting out due to anger. When you see the behavior, immediately remove your son from the situation. Calmly let him know you can see he is mad. Tell him it is OK to be angry and even to express it, but that he is not allowed to hit or throw items. Then help him calm down. It might be helpful to teach him mindfulness or meditation techniques for children. Once he is calm tell him you want him to apologize for hurting someone.

If your son's anger gets worse or becomes a problem socially, you might consider having an evaluation to determine if there are any other issues present.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Natalia Wilson