Dear Family Coach: My son recently passed his driver's test. I want to get him a car because it will make my life so much easier. My husband feels like my son has to earn it. What do you think? — New Driver's Parents

Dear New Driver's Parents: If I close my eyes, I can just about picture a typical day in your house. Mom starts the day off rushing three kids to three different schools. After school it's rushing those same three kids to a variety of teams and activities and play dates. Each day is scheduled with the precision of a drill sergeant. So when one of those kids earns a driver's license I can imagine the strong urge to get that driver his own car to free up the schedule. But you might want to hold off for at least a bit.

Yes, one must pass a driving and written test to get a license, but that doesn't make a new teen driver ready for the responsibility of a car. It takes time to learn to be more than just proficient at driving. I recommend slowly turning the keys over to your son. Start by establishing clear rules about how many friends are allowed in the car (the more friends, the higher the risk of an accident). Create an absolute no-cellphone policy. Take time to check your son's phone after he has been driving to verify he has been able to uphold this rule. And drive with your son in all kinds of weather conditions so he knows how to handle the car. Once you feel he is truly capable of managing all that owning a car entails then allow him to get a car. However, make him be partially financially responsible for the gas and some of the costs. This will help ensure that he treats the car with the respect it deserves, and it should also satisfy your husband's viewpoint.

Dear Family Coach: My husband and I take nontraditional roles with our children. I work full-time outside the home while my husband takes care of the kids. The arrangement mostly works out well for everyone. However, sometimes it feels like I am out of the loop and my kids have a closer bond with my husband. Changing roles isn't possible for us. How can I find ways to get closer to the children when I am home? — On-the-Outside Mom

Dear On-the-Outside: Due to the nature of your arrangement, you are going to be out of the micro-loop. My guess is that you are probably fine allowing your husband to handle making play dates, doctor appointments and food shopping. You are going to miss a thing or two while you are at work. But that shouldn't affect your closeness and bonding to the children.

To get closer to the kids, start with your husband. He should be equally invested in helping you feel more of a connection and empowered with the children. Tell him how you feel and ask him to keep you updated on the days' activities on a mutually agreeable schedule. Set up a shared photo account and ask him to send pictures throughout the day. But that will only partially solve your issue. Find a way to be the primary parent in some areas. Maybe you do bedtime with the children alone or have a special Sunday breakfast ritual at IHOP. Maybe you are the birthday-party specialist in the family and you spend endless hours planning the kids' parties with them. Whatever it is, find a way to connect, and ask your husband to step out of the way if necessary.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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