Buyer, Beware

By Cheryl Lavin

November 11, 2016 4 min read

Dear Cheryl: I've been in a relationship with Larry for a year. He's a terrific guy. We go camping and to car races. But he feels like a father or an older brother to me. And I'm in love with his younger brother, Marty. I used to date Marty, but he stepped out on me and got a girl pregnant.

Now, the baby is 2 years old. She's a sweet little girl, and I love her. I've forgiven Marty, and we've been sleeping together. Larry doesn't know anything about it. I wish Marty would tell Larry. Sooner or later, he'll find out, and I'd hate to hurt him. What are your thoughts? — The Brothers Karamazov They Ain't

Dear TBKTA: Larry is going to be hurt no matter when he finds out and no matter who tells him. So be the brave one and do the right thing. Tell him you're still in love with Marty and you've been seeing him and you want to continue seeing him and you're sorry. Larry can forgive you, he can forgive his brother or he can tell both of you to get lost. His call.

Dear Cheryl: What does it mean when a woman I'm seeing as a friend invites me to her graduation from medical school, introduces me to her parents and invites me home for Christmas but in the same breath says that she just wants to remain friends and doesn't want to get into a serious relationship at the moment? — I'm Confused

Dear I'm Confused: No wonder you're confused. She's confused. She just graduated from medical school and knows she's got a long tough road ahead of her. She knows the smart thing is to keep her options open and not tie herself down. But she obviously has strong feelings for you and wants you in her life.

So, where does that leave you? Are you willing to just be friends for now? If so, then stick around and see how the relationship develops. If not, then tell her you're looking for more. She either wants you in her life enough to shift her priorities a little or she doesn't.

Dear Cheryl: I got very badly burned recently by a man I met online. He seemed to be of sterling character, and he treated me well, but then he dumped me without a word. My male friends think that he isn't really divorced, he wants to have as much sex as possible with as many women as possible, he has somebody else or all of the above.

The whole internet-dating thing is scary to me, and this incident makes me feel like my b.s. detector is broken. Do you have any rules for online dating that pertain to determining a person's character and integrity before continuing the relationship? It seems so many men are just looking to hook up. — Burned Baby Burned

Dear Burned Baby Burned: What's that you say? Some men just want to hook up and not have a relationship? Shocking!

I suggest you use the same amount of caution with internet dating as you would if you were buying a Rolex from a salesman in an alley. Buyer, beware. And look for telltale signs: He's busy on weekends and holidays. He mysteriously disappears. He's unclear about where he lives and what he does.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected] And check out my ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."

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