Dear Cheryl: My single friend got pregnant and had the baby six weeks ago. Her lawyer told her to tell all the men she had slept with that she didn't know who the father was. (Just to put this on the table — it wasn't me.) The guy who is most likely the father is calling once a week asking to see the child and acting like his father.

The problem is that he has been dealing with illegal substances for over 15 years and continues to do so. He already has two kids and still lives with his parents. I told her she has a responsibility to bring up her child in the best environment that she can, and in my eyes that means without this guy. She says she has no interest in him but her child needs a father and he's the only one offering to be one.

She's also mentioned that it would be nice to find a guy who will marry her and take on the child as his own, but she doesn't think that will happen. She's afraid the child will grow up without a father and resent her for not letting him see his dad. Please help me help her make a decision that will be best for both her and the child. — Forget the Father

Dear Forget the Father: Let's start with the child. Everyone is entitled to know who his father is. This not only establishes financial responsibility; it provides invaluable medical information. So each of the possible fathers needs to take a DNA test, starting with the most likely suspects. Hopefully the daddy won't turn out to be the very fertile, drug-dealing low-life. And then that man, at the least, has to pay child support until the child is 18. Hopefully, he'll want to do more.

Now, let's move on to the mother. What's it going to take to make her realize that she can't keep living her life in such a sloppy, irresponsible manner? She has a baby now. She can't sleep around indiscriminately anymore. She has to grow up. Fast. She needs to understand that she and only she has responsibility for herself and her child.

No Prince Charming is going to come along and rescue her. Why? Because no guy who's a Prince Charming, or even close, would want her. She's a loser. A loser with a baby. The only guys who would be interested in her now are losers like her. And what do you get when you cross a promiscuous loser mother and a drug-dealing loser father? You get a child who has the odds stacked heavily against him. Sorry, but those are the sad facts. A child raised by these kinds of parents barely stands a chance.

You're her friend. You need to sit her down and explain to her that this is her life! She needs to make it into something of value. She needs to make herself into someone her child can be proud of. She needs to get herself an education and then a career. She needs to surround herself with quality people. (You sound like one.) She needs values and goals. It's not too late.

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