Dear Cheryl: I've been in a long-distance relationship with Dennis for a year and a half. I'm actually fine with the distance, as I'm a pretty independent person and I appreciate having lots of time for myself.

Dennis and I actually dated twice before, 20 years ago, with a year in between the two rounds of dating. We lived in the same area then. Both breakups were a result of him basically going AWOL, with no communication to me whatsoever. One day things were going OK; the next he wouldn't take or return my calls.

It's not as if a problem or a fight had precipitated anything. When we got back together the first time, he said he'd made a mistake, and I wanted to believe him.

The second time he did his tortoise shell act, I decided that was it. Still, we kept in touch over the years and remained pretty good friends. After he moved away, I thought we'd remain just friends, though a part of me always missed him.

Then we ran into each other unexpectedly. The communication heated up, and we gradually drifted into a relationship. We never really talked about what had happened before. I wanted to, but obviously neither one of us is good at opening up. I wanted to believe that 20 years had matured us.

Now, he's pulling the disappearing act again. It's not as if I was crowding him to define or even formally commit to a relationship, and he hadn't ever given me any kind of indication that the status quo wasn't working for him.

I'm torn between the following:

—Sending him a "get lost" letter that clearly indicates I have no desire to remain in his life and want no further contact of any sort — I just want off this merry-go-round.

—Trying to force the communication about why this happens, though I know he would resist such a conversation.

—Just waiting to see what happens. This would really just be out of curiosity. I wonder what he'd do if I didn't push the issue, which I have done every time.

What do you think? — I'm Beginning to See a Pattern Here

Dear IBTSAPH: Forget option No. 1. Why would you tell a guy to get lost when he's already lost? Hellooo.

I'm not crazy about option No. 2 either. It's never worked in the past. What makes you think it would work now? If you could get him to sit down for a closure conversation — which I doubt — and he were honest — which I really doubt — he'd tell you he stopped calling you because he didn't want to see you anymore, and he didn't bother to tell you because he didn't want to have this conversation.

You're never going to get him to reveal any great insights into himself and his behavior because he doesn't have any. He's not an introspective kind of guy. This is who he is. This is what he does.

I'd go with option No. 3. Do nothing. I'm betting he won't do anything either. And that will be the end of it.

Unless, of course, at some point he contacts you or you contact him, and a friendship starts, and then a relationship, and then another disappearing act.

Please, please say you won't let that happen. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me; fool me three times and I should have "KICK ME" tattooed on my forehead.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."