You know your friend's husband (or wife) is cheating. Do you tell? Here's what you have to say ...

LIZZIE: I've worked in two male-dominated carrier fields, the military and the postal service, and I know many men who have cheated on their wives. They believed in that old saying, "The mice will play while the cat's away."

While stationed overseas, unaccompanied or for extended periods of time, these men had no reservations about having sex with whomever they could whenever they could until the time they returned home to their wives and families. Some knew they had a sexually transmitted disease and tried to cure it before returning. Others didn't have time for a cure.

As for the postal service, you honestly wouldn't believe the number of women who invite carriers into their homes for quickies, or the number of carriers who took the risk. Really!

So here's my point and advice: Risking a friend's life by not telling her her spouse or partner is cheating on her is the same as giving her a pistol with one bullet in it and telling her to pull the trigger. You never know when the bullet will fire or when she'll get an STD that will unknowingly ruin her lives or cause a slow, painful death. So, if you're really a friend, tell your friend her husband is cheating.

CARLEE: I would tell her, and I have. If she refuses to accept the information, then it's her problem, but you will have done your duty as a true friend, and your conscience will be clear.

GRETA: There may be a middle ground between telling and not telling. Unless the messenger has actually seen the husband in the act with his sweetie (unlikely), she doesn't know for sure that he's cheating.

Rather than saying, "Your hubby is having an affair, and here's how I know," she could approach the subject as a puzzlement. She could say in a confused voice: "I saw your husband in such-and-such a place with so-and-so. I wondered why you weren't with them. I hope you weren't sick or something." That way you're planting the seeds so she can investigate herself if she wants to know, while allowing her to save face.

I would keep my comments limited to what I actually saw or overheard personally and leave out anything other people might have told me. Even if she has become the subject of gossip, she won't want to know it.

Here's one last thought about Just Can't Do It, the woman whose boyfriend wanted her to open joint accounts with him and cancel her individual accounts. I told her "no way!" Now, here's Charlie: "I find it interesting that you told the woman not to mingle her finances because she has more to lose. You've had no such objections when men are the breadwinners. Once again your double standards are showing."

Dear Charlie: I always try to look in a three-way mirror before leaving the house to make sure my double standards aren't showing.

In this case, they weren't. Young people marrying for the first time without many assets should commingle their funds. Mature adults, especially those marrying for a second or third time, need to protect their finances.

Do you believe in telling? Send your tale, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."