Unemployment Kills Romance

By Cheryl Lavin

January 20, 2018 4 min read

We recently heard from Angela, whose relationship with Kyle was going bust. He'd been laid off, but that wasn't an issue for her. Everything was "perfect" — until it wasn't anymore. Kyle broke up with her in an email.

He wasn't ready for a relationship. It wasn't her; it was him. He needed to focus on getting a job, etc., etc., etc. Angela didn't understand. Why did Kyle come on so strong and then withdraw? Was it because the chase was over?

I thought it was because he wasn't working. "A man who's out of a job is not in a place to start a new relationship," I said.

Today we hear from two men who are in Kyle's position.

JON: I did the same thing Kyle. As long as the unemployment kept coming in, I tried to stay positive and keep moving forward. Once that ended, I felt I had to concentrate on finding a job.

The relationship ended entirely because of me. I felt inadequate because I was unable to treat a woman the way I wanted to.

CHRISTOPHER: I agree that Kyle needed to find a job and feel like he had something to offer before he could pursue a relationship. I'm in a similar place right now.

Three years ago, my marriage of 18 years hit the rocks. My wife had fallen in love with an old boyfriend. She didn't want to try to save things between us. I moved into an apartment. I was very depressed.

We were already in financial trouble when I was laid off. She was just working part time. After one year, the only option was for me to move back into the spare bedroom. Now it's 2018, and I'm still there.

We live like brother and sister. We take care of our two sons and are a family, although a strange one. She still has her boyfriend and stays with him at his place on the weekends. We are stuck together because we can't afford to split up.

My point is that I'm lonely and I wish that I could have a girlfriend. But I don't feel that I have anything to offer to a woman. I go on dating sites and start chatting, but when it comes time to plan a date, I back off. I feel that once I reveal my living arrangements, the woman will think that I'm just another married man who's trying to cheat.

I have met a couple of women to whom I did tell my story. They seemed to understand and accept the situation. But I still pulled away for some reason that I don't quite understand.

And then there are some who see it a whole different way ...

RICH: Angela must be blind. Kyle had another babe on the side. Guys don't let one go unless they have another one waiting.

MADDIE: Angela was coming on too strong, too fast. Next time, she should take it slower. When he calls, she should get off the phone quickly. Give him less than what he wants. Instead of spending the whole weekend, start with a two-hour date. Keep withholding until you get some kind of commitment, not just vague talk.

Why do you think Kyle bailed on Angela? Send your thoughts, along with your questions, rants and problems to [email protected] And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not.

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