Q. I am a 53-year-old gay male who has been in a committed relationship with my husband for 12 years. He is also 53, and we are seriously discussing starting a family. We love children — and not just from a storybook perspective, simply thinking they are cute and cuddly. I often find that children are the most interesting people in a room and their travails are the stuff of life. My husband and I would love to help a child have the life we never had — filled with guidance, opportunities, a sense of responsibility and most of all, tons of support and love.

I am worried that because we are in our 50s, we are too old to undertake this endeavor. We would be in our 70s when this child goes to college and although we are both very healthy and active, people still tell us we won't have the energy to keep up with a small child. I feel as though my life truly began at 50. How old is too old to start a family?

A. Many children in our country are without parents and families are very important for children. Not all adults would like to have children and surely we hope that adults who don't want children do not have them. There are also many adults who wish to have a child, but certain circumstances prevent them from doing so. That has likely been your position for the past 25 years when most of your peers were raising their families. You and your husband should proceed carefully before making a decision that will affect your lives, but more importantly, the lives of the children or child who you would like to parent.

Consider that your age could prohibit you from having the energy, skills and interests to parent a very young child. On the other hand, there are many children, perhaps between the ages of 8-12, who desperately wish to have parents. Because you are not traditional two-gender parents that, too, could preclude some parenting opportunities. Research shows that there is no adverse effect on children that comes as a result of homosexual parenting, so you clearly have that finding in your favor. You might be in a very good position to find two siblings that you could foster parent and later adopt since it's often especially difficult to keep siblings together.

I would suggest you read several parenting books before you begin this exploration effort. If you find the books engaging in addition to your positive experiences being around children, then contact an adoption agency in your area to explore the options further. There are many children in our world who would be desperately pleased to find good parents to care for them and love them.

For free newsletters entitled "How to Parent So Children Will Learn," "Raising Preschoolers," "Raising Amazing Boys," and/or "See Jane Win For Girls," send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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