Q: How do we encourage our son to be more positive in situations in which he doesn't have choices? For example, he always complains about dinner.

A: I realize your question was not only about dinner, but at least we can start there. It will be important to persuade your husband to help you with the dinner improvement. You will want to persuade him to make lots of good comments about the delicious food he is eating. Also, include at least one food on your son's plate that you know he will like so he can join in on the "delicious" comments. For other foods that he may not wish to taste, you can let him know he can match the size of his dessert with the amount of the new food he is willing to try. Also, encourage your son to do some research for a school project on eating healthful foods. Then he can plan at least one meal a week that fits in with good health expectations, as well as his own preferences. He may even want to get involved in assisting with the cooking, or if he is old enough, he could cook one dinner a week for the family. Your responses to his delicious food can keep the positivity going.

I know you are searching for other routes for guiding your son toward positive thinking. It helps families to plan at a family meeting on the weekend. If your children can visually place their schedule of activities and chores on a calendar, they learn what parents expect and what to expect of themselves. Parents can outline the chores that are needed, and the children can take weekly turns doing those they prefer, as well as those they don't like. They can at least feel good about having some choices and participating in the planning. The planning can also teach them organizational skills and can help the whole family to feel more positive about the week ahead.

Without knowing your family makeup, I'm guessing that your negative son has a positive sibling and that your son has learned to garner family attention with his negativity. Try to plan a few one-on-one dates with each of the children; you may be surprised to find that your son is much more positive when he is alone with one parent. Parenting siblings provides a tricky balance because they are often so competitive about receiving parental attention. Understand that the competitive feelings are natural, but as you patiently teach them to cheer each other on, their relationship can also include love and support for each other.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.