Q: My daughter is a senior in high school and is very seriously starting to look at colleges for next year. She wants to pursue a communications degree and is looking at two different liberal arts colleges in our state. I am very proud that she is excited about going to college and is spending a considerable amount of time planning her future. However, my husband and I cannot afford either of the private schools she wishes to attend. Her grades are good, but not likely good enough to earn her a scholarship. I know student loans are an option, but I would much rather she start off her freshman year of college at someplace more affordable (maybe even a two-year community college) and then eventually transfer to the true school of her choosing for her junior and senior years.

Some of her closest friends have parents with much deeper pockets than we have and college affordability may not be such an issue for them. How do we explain this to our daughter in such a way that she will still feel good about wherever she attends college next year — even if it's not her first or second, or even fifth choice?

A: How nice it would be if young people could select a college based on their interests and preferences alone, but there is much more to college choice and it's best for parents and teens to have an open and frank discussion about the criteria for college selection during the earliest stages of planning this important next life step.

Some topics that should be discussed in selecting a college are possible majors, likely career directions, expected length of educational preparation, availability of positions for various careers, religious or non-religious preference related to college atmosphere, and proximity to home and cost of travel. Additional topics to consider include faculty emphasis on research or teaching, size of classes and schools, rural or urban campus environment, dormitory or private living accommodations, diversity of enrollment, single gender possibilities, and even more. Cost factor criteria should include tuition and living costs, multiplied by number of years for career preparation and availability of part-time employment opportunities. Sources of funding could include available savings divided by the number of children who will be using it, likely scholarship or grant opportunities, and the possibilities of loans and discussions about the obligations associated with those. Some teens like to add criteria such as skiing or beach availability, luxurious athletic facilities, favorite football teams, etc. This more emotional list may not be mentioned out loud by your child, but these are often amenities teens think about.

After you've brainstormed the criteria for college selection, prioritize and weigh the ones you've selected for use in your decision-making. At this point, you and your daughter should be ready for exploration and decision-making, and together you can evaluate her choices using a matrix based on the criteria you have selected together. Certainly consider her perspectives, but please give her clear, honest guidelines regarding your financial limitations. Helping her through this brainstorming process is not only good preparation for college, but can teach her how to make other important decisions later in life. Adulthood is not just about "following your passions," but tempering all emotional desires with good, solid reason, responsibility and reality.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.