Q: I am in the eighth grade. I read your article about how gifted children affect families. I was wondering what you think the family atmosphere would be like if an only child were gifted. How would it be different from a family with many gifted children?

A: Only children typically have very different lives than children with siblings. They are often included in adult conversations from early on. They are more likely to develop adult-sounding vocabularies, and they learn to expect adults to talk to them differently. Sometimes that causes them to feel very different from their peers.

Unlike siblings who often compare themselves to each other and feel competitive, only children become accustomed to total attention and easily feel like they're not receiving enough attention in the classroom or among friends unless they are the center of attention. Some become very demanding of the teacher's attention, because of what they are accustomed to at home. Only children sometimes become very social with friends, because they miss siblings at home. Conversely, most only children find they're contented to work and play alone more often than children with siblings.

Parents who have only one child tend to expect that one child to accomplish a great deal. "Putting all their eggs in one basket" is the phrase that comes to mind. It's very easy to overpraise only children, and that kind of innocent praise is easily internalized by only children as very high expectations. Thus, only children do often feel more pressure to achieve than if they were in a family of multiple siblings. That can motivate them to work harder, or if felt as great pressure, they can underachieve and avoid work for fear that even if they put forth reasonable effort, they may not fulfill the high expectations their parents have for them.

As an only child, I would encourage you to do your best in school but to understand that your parents will be happy with you as long as you put forth good effort. Also, you should look for opportunities to attend summer camps where you can share living quarters with other children. If you have cousins your age, perhaps you can visit with them to do family activities together. While it's good for you to speak up and be assertive, be assured that you don't have to make adult decisions too early. Instead, look toward your parents and teachers to guide you, and believe that based on their own experiences and knowledge, they are often giving you very good advice.

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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.