Q: I think my 5-year-old son is more attached to me than what is normal for a child. He does have a good relationship with his father and does many activities with him, but if someone else wants my attention, my son will throw a tantrum to force me to focus on him instead.

I needed to go to an activity without him, so I took him to his grandparents' house. He completely demolished a guest bedroom while I was gone because "he missed me." I made him apologize, but he shows no remorse for this behavior. He explains his wrongdoings as actions he couldn't control because "you weren't doing what I wanted."

His attention-seeking extends to his sister. If she has a friend at the park and my son is there also, he'll get very jealous. He'll try to take my daughter's attention away from her friend.

My son did well in preschool and enjoys learning. The teacher was concerned because he didn't make a friend the entire year. My son's response to the teacher was that his mom was his best friend, so why would he play with anyone else?

It's quite concerning that my son has such a need for attention. He and his father do a lot together — they go camping and fishing frequently. His grandfather also likes to give him attention and garden with him. But if I'm around, my son won't focus on anyone or anything but me. I want to give my son attention, but his overly needy behavior is quite smothering. He should have friends his own age, but he just won't form those friendships. What do I do to encourage him to make friends?

A: You are correct about your 5-year-old being too attached to you, but he isn't likely to feel rejected if you reduce your time playing with him. I expect that when this problem began, you were pregnant and soon went off to the hospital to have your little girl. He may have temporarily felt abandoned, but so do most older children when their mother leaves to deliver a sibling. You are giving in to his demands and tantrums far too much, and he's become far too controlling. Although I do think it's important for you to spend a little time alone with him each day, you're going to have to redirect the majority of his bids for attention. You will need to be firm and either ignore some of his antics or time him out in his room if he becomes too annoying. Don't let him engage you in arguments about why you should spend all your time with him. He'll soon get the idea that while you're a friendly and loving parent, you're not the same as friends his age.

As to his possessive relationship with his sister, I suggest that you give your son the option of bringing a friend to the park also. Perhaps your daughter's friend has a brother to come along. I expect kindergarten will help your son's adjustment to his world of peers and other adults. If he shows a poor adjustment to kindergarten, I suggest you get some counseling help.

For a free newsletter about "Raising Preschoolers" (Three Rivers Press, 1997), send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for each newsletter to address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.