Q: My very close friend has a son in sixth grade Hwho still sucks his thumb. I have talked to her about the problem, but she will not do anything about it except to talk to him. I told her about a habit appliance she could purchase to prevent thumb-sucking. She hasn't done a thing with the information I provided her. I feel bad for the boy, and I believe it affects his friendships and his confidence.

A: I'm sure you are a good friend and want to be helpful to your friend and her son. Thumb-sucking beyond age 3 can cause serious orthodontic problems for children, and putting braces on teeth afterwards can be quite expensive. A dentist could help explain a habit appliance to your friend. They are wires attached to children's teeth that make thumb-sucking uncomfortable and impossible. There are also thumb gloves and yucky-tasting liquids that can help children break the bad habit of thumb-sucking. Socially, an 11-year-old who sucks his thumb in public would likely appear a little strange or juvenile to his peers.

Talking to a child about the thumb-sucking is, of course, the first step. I'm guessing your friend has already done that multiple times. Most 11-year-olds would feel embarrassed about thumb-sucking and might even appreciate their parents' help in trying to break their habit. Mother's non-responsiveness to your suggestion may only mean that she's already tried multiple times or that she's been in a battle with her son about the problem for years. She may actually feel quite embarrassed about your suggestion, or she may be exploring possibilities without even mentioning that to you.

Although you want to be helpful, bringing up the topic too assertively again could easily break up a good friendship. Perhaps you could search the Internet for a few good articles about various approaches to helping children with this problem. You could print them out, place them in an envelope and give them to your friend, saying something like this: "I did a little research on thumb-sucking problems and thought you might want to look through a few of the articles I found. I don't mean to offend you, because, really, I just want to be helpful. I just feel worried for your son, and since I consider you a good friend, I feel like the least I can do is find some information for you. So here's what I found, and I promise I won't keep bringing up the topic anymore unless you ask me about it."

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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.