Q: My daughter is 5 years old and in kindergarten. She has two very close friends in her class, who are also girls. The three little girls continue to get along very well, but my daughter often complains after school about one of them being left out and the other two deciding they are "best friends," if only for that day. From what I am hearing, the best friend combination changes from day to day among the three of them. I realize they are only in kindergarten, but I remember the feeling of being left out of friend groups in school and want to make sure my daughter understands that it's unkind to purposely exclude one member of the trio from playing with the other two. I know there are days when my daughter has been the one left out, and other days she likely has been the one to perpetuate the "best friends" issue.

Navigating the social waters of school as she grows will be tricky enough. It's very important to me that she learn how to be a kind friend and classmate at this young age. How do I explain to my daughter that she and her friends would all have so much more fun if everyone just played together?

A: The relationship problem you are describing is so common that almost every parent will identify with it. It is a most frequent problem in the middle grades, but I remember it from my own early childhood, as well. This is a good time to explain your concerns to your daughter. First, you can help her to not feel so bad when she is the one excluded by telling her this happens frequently and by suggesting that when she does feel left out, she should either become comfortable doing some activities alone or find some other girls she can pal around with for that day. Secondly, and most importantly, you could help her to use her understanding of her own sad feelings to learn to not leave out other friends when they would like to be part of her friendship group.

If you prefer she have only one friend at a time visiting for a play date, she could explain to her two friends your preference so no one would feel rejected. You could advise her to be sure to take turns having each one over to avoid any hurt feelings. And perhaps there would be some time when the three girls would be able to be together at your home.

Although your daughter may be struggling, your advice on how to keep busy and happy after being occasionally rejected is important for her in developing resilience in life. Helping her to get over sad and angry temporary feelings will prepare her better for real life than being overly sympathetic to very natural situations in girls' social lives.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.