Q: My granddaughter takes on any problem and becomes very emotional over it. We are working hard to ease her feelings. Can you help me with this? You are amazing! Thank you for sharing!

A. You'll want to notice first if your granddaughter is overemotional with everyone or only with her grandmom, with one or both gender adults, and also whether she responds emotionally with other children. If she's overemotional with only certain people or groups, she has probably unconsciously determined that these people will give her warm, loving attention for her tears or worries. If she tends to overreact with everyone, it's a combination of genetic and learned behavior that you can help her to improve and change. She can learn to use reason to better communicate her feelings and actions.

First and foremost, don't use the word overemotional when referring to her within her hearing and also suggest to her parents that they take the word out of their vocabularies. The more she hears herself referred to that way, the more she will believe she can't change, and that over-emotionality is part of who she is.

Instead, look for opportunities to refer to her as brave, courageous, a good thinker, calm and a hard worker. You can say, "Whenever you get upset, instead of crying or getting angry, you need to take a deep breath and put your 'thinking cap' on. Your magic words should become, STOP and THINK." Then she can ask herself questions like, "Is this really so serious or sad? What can I do to fix this problem? Should I take some time and think about it tomorrow when I'm calmer? Can someone help me with this problem, or can I fix it myself? Should I get busy doing something else so I don't worry too much about the problem?"

I don't know your granddaughter's age, and the questions she stops to think about can depend a bit on how old she is. The STOP and THINK part works for all ages — even adults and very young children. The questions she asks herself may vary depending on the kinds of issues that cause her overemotional response. I'm guessing that you'll help her select appropriate questions with your wisdom as a loving grandmother.

If your granddaughter's problems get worse, a counselor can help her learn to think more positively and reasonably so that she doesn't become an overanxious person. A few sessions to teach her appropriate self-talk could help her for the rest of her life.

For free newsletters about "DOs and DON'Ts of Grandparenting," "How to Parent So Children Will Learn," and/or "Children with Fears and Fearful Children," send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.