Q: My daughter is almost 5 years old. She has an older brother who is 7. For the past two months she has been having poopy accidents at school and at home. She was actually completely potty-trained at 3. She says she'll go to the potty when she has the urge, and it's happened on some occasions, but not to the extent that the problem is close to being solved. We have her in Pull-Ups at home and at preschool. My wife and I are on the same page with her teachers and have started a similar star chart, but the problem has persisted. Thanks in advance for any input you might have.

A: When a child loses bowel control after two years of being potty-trained, the cause can be psychological or physical. You can certainly insist she sit on the potty for a little while in the morning before she goes to school to see if you can help her develop a routine of going regularly. She can look through a book while she's sitting, and you can reward her with a star on her chart for every success. Stars for bowel control in school can also help.

I suggest you think about possible trauma that could have initiated your daughter's problem. Examples of trauma might include the start of a new school or moving. These events can cause a child anxiety. Issues like parent health problems, extreme sibling issues or hidden abuse can cause stress. Another alternative can be food allergies, if new foods have been introduced recently. If you've ruled out any situational trauma, it's time to see your child's pediatrician. It's possible there is a medical problem. If the doctor can rule that out, you can be more confident that your star system will soon be effective. Don't wait too long to get medical help, because your doctor may actually be able to solve your problem quite easily.

For free newsletters about fears and fearful children and/or raising preschoolers, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected].

PARENT NEEDS TO CHECK ACCURACY OF COMPLAINT

Q: What would be a good answer when my fourth-grader tells me he hardly learns anything at school, i.e., he isn't challenged enough?

A: You undoubtedly know your son better than anyone, and you may have to advocate for him by speaking to his teacher about his needs. Before you do that, you'll want to gather some quantitative information that verifies your son's descriptions. If you can find a psychologist to test both his IQ and his achievement on an out-of-grade level test, you'll be able to evaluate whether your son has reasonable concerns. The tester can compare his achievement test scores to both his own grade level and that of the next grade to determine if a grade skip or subject skip might be appropriate. If he is at least around the 75th percentile compared to students in the grade above him, there's a good chance he belongs there. You'll also want to consider social and emotional issues, and whether he's motivated to learn.

I do need to warn you that some children use "I'm not being challenged" as an excuse to avoid doing work that can feel too challenging. They also use the term "boring" very loosely to describe any type of repetitive work. You can guide your son in taking the initiative to challenge himself with your support. For example, you can help him to make science or social studies more interesting by inspiring him to extend what he is learning by researching on the Internet or developing projects or experiments that are extensions of what he's learning in school. Extra projects will allow him to develop intrinsic interests and show the teacher that he would benefit by being challenged further. It will motivate his teacher to discover new learning opportunities for him within the classroom.

For a free newsletter about "Keys to Parenting the Gifted Child," send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.