Q: Hello, Dr. Rimm. I am from a middle school in St. Louis, and I have chosen social skills for my research project. I read one of your articles, and it was very helpful. I learned a lot from it. Some examples of things I learned were that some kids can be gifted but behave very poorly. I also learned that some kids might be very bossy because they have been treated like adults. They think that their peers should have to listen to them. I'd like to say thank you very much for your article. It has helped me very much. But I have a quick question for you that I couldn't find anywhere. What is the most common age for kids to "act out" the most and be the worst-behaved? Thank you very much for your time and your article.

A: I always enjoy hearing from thoughtful, young people. Since you asked about "behavior problems," I wondered if you have very good behavior and are puzzled why others don't, or whether you have indeed had behavior problems in the past and are hoping they'll go away. Children can have behavior problems at all ages, and behaving well is, of course, an important social skill. Some very young children get into trouble in school by not sitting still, talking out of turn, or hitting other children. They haven't learned about boundaries. Sometimes this happens because they haven't been taught, have been given too much, or are not given enough attention and are searching for attention from adults or peers. Only and oldest children are more likely to be the attention-seekers.

You specifically mentioned gifted children, and that may be because in enriching young children and teaching them a lot, they get much attention. Furthermore, their unusual capabilities attract attention and praise, so they are in the habit of receiving more. Sharing attention in the classroom and not being praised can make them feel attention-deprived and act in ways that are attention-seeking. Gifted children don't have more behavior problems than other children, but sometimes they have them for different reasons.

During adolescence, new behavior problems sometimes arise. They tend to appear if children have been given too much power too early by parents. When adults set boundaries for them, they're not accustomed to accepting a "no" answer. They feel like they are adults before they are truly ready. Peer pressure, and TV, movie and computer screens often influence them to do things before they understand the consequences of their behaviors. My book "Growing Up Too Fast" found that many middle-grade children tend to think they know more than parents and are far different than their parents were at their age. The students I talked to when doing that research considered technology to have made a huge difference in their growing up.

Behavior problems change as children grow older. They may be in more trouble out of school than in school. Drugs can become very tempting and can lead even smart children astray. Staying involved in extracurricular activities, like sports, speech, debate, drama, math and science teams, music and art can make a big difference in preventing young people from becoming involved in serious behavior problems. You can see behavior problems are a very large topic.

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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.