Q. I'm the stepmother to a 10-year-old boy with whom I have a great relationship. My husband and I have him three days a week. However, he's very immature for his age. When I became his stepmother two years ago, he acted very needy and incapable around us. Part of the problem was that his mother, father and grandparents were very indulgent, and I think that had to do with guilt over the divorce.

I'm a very independent person, and I believe in letting kids do as much for themselves as possible. I was raised very positively in that way. I've tried doing the same for my stepson. Basically, I treat him as though I expect that he can do things for himself, and usually it works. My husband is in agreement with me about allowing him to be more independent, and I'm happy with the progress we've made.

My next obstacle is video games. My stepson loves to play them, and he would play all day long if we allowed it. He's a happy, social kid and likes to be the center of attention. Unfortunately, when he's talking, he only wants to talk about his video games. Even when he's involved in team sports, he talks only about his video games. I'd love to talk about other things he's interested in and accomplishments he's made for himself, but it seems that all he's interested in are video games. I want to be a good stepmom, and I want to be sure I'm doing the right things. Can you help?

A. Stepmoms often need reassurance in parenting their stepchildren, so in your case, I'd like to reassure you that you seem to be doing well. Certainly your efforts to build your stepson's independence will be helpful and it's great that you and his dad agree on the approaches you're using.

Your next step is building a variety of interests so that video games aren't the center of his universe. It's not an easy step, because video games are entertaining and enticing. You can start by setting a limit on the time he can play them — no more than an hour a day seems reasonable. Fill his time with other activities, like family board or card games, playing outdoors together, learning to cook or make airplane or rocket models, taking music lessons, reading, joining Scouts or a religious youth group and playing sports. Gradually, his video game stories will decrease, although they need not disappear.

It's easy to get into a habit of overindulging a child when everyone feels worried about the effect divorce is having on him. Changing that overindulgence should be gradual to help your stepson adjust to new expectations of independence and responsibility.

For a free newsletter about helping children after divorce, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read "Helping Your Children Cope With Divorce" at www.sylviarimm.com.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.