It was Katie Zacharia's first day as White House Press Secretary and it may be the only time I'll defend her. Not for just reading a prepared eight-minute homage to her perfect King, or only taking three questions (from Breitbart, Fox News and the Daily Mail), but from the question raised by the Daily Mail's senior political correspondent, Elina Shirazi.

Ms. Shirazi asked Ms. Zacharia how she planned to manage the job with four kids, when her predecessor left when she got to two.

For starters, can anyone imagine that as one of the first questions for a male press secretary?

Are we still asking? Apparently, yes.

She has four kids, ranging in age from 6 to 12. Moving from California to DC, the way kids have been moving for Dad for generations. But that wasn't the whole answer. "I think this job is not one you necessarily balance."

Bingo. So does that exclude mothers and fathers?

At that point, she veered into the make-believe. "They are my priority. The idea of not spending evenings with my kids is completely unacceptable. I intend to, to the extent possible, include my family, include my kids in my work. Though my work will be demanding, they will always be a priority."

Ms. Zacharia thinks she can have it all.

Good luck.

She is not going to spend every night with her children. If she does, she will be the most out-of-the-loop press secretary in history. Power comes from proximity, not from making it to after-school activities. And if you don't think kids complain about absent parents, you've never been one.

My generation thought we could have it all, just not all at once. It didn't quite work that way. We leaned in as far as we could. But mostly it wasn't enough — at least not enough to avoid falling on your face somewhere along the way. We gave up opportunities we thought would come back later when they fit better with parenting. They didn't. We didn't want to pull our kids out of school or move them away from family.

I'm not saying Ms. Leavitt was right to leave the job, or Ms. Zacharia was wrong to take it. Quite the contrary, all other things being equal, I'm glad to see women in positions of Power. I wrote a book entitled "Sex and Power" 30 years ago about changing the "boys' rules" and piercing the "comfort zone" that excluded women. I've been at this for a long time. I've just stopped judging.

I would never presume to judge Ms. Zacharia's mothering, or even ask her about it. This opportunity may never come again. It's too good (for her, at least) to turn down. And who are we to judge how she manages it, how she does the balance, how she puts one step in front of another. Does anyone ask Pete Hegseth how he manages his blended family? Other than photo ops, do we expect them on trips with the president?

I'm rooting for Ms. Zacharia to pull it off. I hope her kids are proud of her. But I do so recognizing that there are many mothers who would not make the same choice she did and so long as it's this way to the top, many women won't make it. It's still boys' rules, even if it's a woman asking the wrong question.

To find out more about Susan Estrich and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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