Carl contacted me. Not just any Carl. Carl.

Carl was minding his business at home in Hilton Head, South Carolina, when a cousin sent him a link to one of my columns. The piece was about COVID-19 service delays, from deliveries to airlines. One of the jokes:

"Due to COVID-19, the drive-thru might be slower than usual. To be honest, our drive-thru was always slow because Carl is in charge, but now we have a reason that sounds better than, 'Carl cannot be bothered to light a fire under it.'"

Carl let me know I had a yellow card. He wrote:

"I really enjoyed it, except for the use of the name Carl as the drive-thru manager. Curious as to your choice, because, while you're probably not aware, the name has come under assault over the last few years. Maybe it crept into your mind subconsciously, but I'd love to know how you came to choose 'Carl.'"

He would be adding my piece to the Carl disses on his website, carliscool.com. My Carl takedown would live in infamy.

I dropped everything. Someone named Carl had created a website to bring honor to all slandered Carls? He had signed his letter as "Carl Ceo." Was he the chief executive officer of all Carls?!

"Would you be willing to reveal yourself?" I asked, the way Bob Woodward approached Deep Throat.

Um, yeah. Carl already had. He is Carl Ceo, named after his Italian father Carlo, who went by Carl. He also named one of his three children Carly.

Carl, 59, had a long advertising career. He worked on cigarette campaigns in the 1980s, then found his way to pharmaceutical ads, including one for a lung cancer treatment.

"Maybe I got my place back in heaven after doing all the cigarette advertising," he said.

He also worked on the William Shatner Priceline ads and spots for Maybelline. He retired a bit early when the pandemic hit, but his marketing radar stayed in tune.

Advertisers use focus groups to know who to tease, he said, and calling out women by name is mostly off-limits. But it's open season on men.

"We do stupid things and act like children for most of our lives."

He started to notice Carls: a slimy broker Carl in a Charles Schwab commercial, an absent-minded Carl messing up a baseball diamond in a Geico ad, a toga-clad Patton Oswalt in a series for Caesars Sportsbook.

He suspects one commercial is an inside job from old colleagues. In the AmeriSave Mortgage ad, Carl loses his thumb in a hitchhiking accident. Carl Ceo lost his thumb in a water-skiing accident when he was 18. Coincidence?

"Nobody has owned up to it," he said.

He began compiling Carl digs on his website and Facebook group this summer, balancing them with cool Carls. Karls count, he said, because he makes the rules.

In the Carl Is Cool Gallery: Actor Carl Weathers; Olympian Carl Lewis; journalist Carl Bernstein; rock drummer Carl Palmer; Carl from "The Walking Dead." He was excited to add Las Vegas Raider Carl Nassib, the first active NFL player to come out as gay. I suggested dreamy Karl from "Love Actually."

In the Carl Is Not Cool Gallery: A Karl with a smelly room from a Febreze ad; a hapless chef Carl from a Popeye's bit; allergy-riddled Carl Wheezer from "Jimmy Neutron;" and Carl Spackler from "Caddyshack," who, Ceo says, "may be the first documented uncool Carl."

Carl's blog has been fun for his family but also a chance for thought. Why do certain names become symbols of age, class and sex appeal? People of color and those from different ethnic groups have had names co-opted forever. Now, aggressive white women calling the manager or police are Karens. There are Chads, Sharons, Susans, Beckys. Kyle is a recurring character I use, a stand-in for an archetypal clueless dude. I apologize to Kyle!

The observations are authentic. The people are hypothetical. But this Carl was real. Why did I use his name? Have I been wounded by a Carl? I simply thought the name felt neutral, strong and simple, and it was lingering in my head. In hindsight, maybe I'd been poisoned by advertising's onslaught of uncool Carls.

Carl is not taking it too seriously, for the record. He figures Carl jokes will fade and a new moniker will become loser of the moment.

"Maybe they'll pick up Stephanie."

Touche, Carl. You are cool.

Stephanie Hayes is a columnist at the Tampa Bay Times in Florida. Follow her at @stephhayeswrites on Facebook, @stephhayes on Twitter or @stephrhayes on Instagram.

Photo credit: wal_172619 at Pixabay