Welcome, class, to zeitgeist competence hour. Today's term is "vibe shift."

"Lady, what?" you say. Vibe shift is the phrase of the moment. It's a trend about trends (!) coined by a trend (!) forecaster and brand consultant named Sean Monahan. He has sliced the last two decades into phases based on fashion, music and politics, predicting what's ahead. Vibe shift is less about the exact shoes we'll wear and more about a sensibility and, well, vibe.

A piece from New York Magazine's The Cut sent the concept viral this week, warning of an impending vibe shift. The story by Allison P. Davis dives deep if you want to spend the afternoon Googling "normcore" and "Red Wing boots" and neighborhoods of Brooklyn.

That's one problem with trend forecasts. There's a world out there full of people who do not live in the cultural epicenters of New York or Los Angeles. Most of us will never party in a Williamsburg warehouse. We might be from, say, Tampa! We might party at Applebee's! We might wear aging plastic flip-flops!

Still, the idea feels right. After years of pandemic fears and restrictions, political division and canceling each other, we're not going back to the way things were. We are burned out, due for a new collective energy. Monahan told The Cut he predicts a move away from stern culture wars, toward the unkempt, party-hearty essence of the early 2000s. I fear for low-rise pants yet celebrate sequined going-out tops.

Look, this is information for cool people. Most of us are not cool. We are going to jobs and school pickup and Target, pondering uses for ground beef on a Tuesday. We are not vibe-shifting until the vibe trickles into that very Target. Personally, I decided to wither on the vine when they tried to take my skinny jeans.

But we could use new energy. What, exactly?

Is this the era when we give up the lies? I'm not talking misinformation. I'm talking malls. For instance, cities run red with "food halls," which we can all agree are food courts with a disappointing lack of Sbarro. If the vibe is shifting backward, should we return to suffering malls? While we're at it, should we start using hotels and cable again? Perhaps the new vibe is to admit we've all been had.

Speaking of 24 separate subscription fees, how about a forensic accounting vibe? In the wake of the Great Resignation, the new vibe must include detailed financial explanations, not simply, "I feel happier with less!" I want receipts, QuickBooks spreadsheets, grocery dossiers. I want tutorials on "How To Quit When My Rent Is $4 Trillion and My Landlord Is Miss Hannigan." The accompanying fashion can be green eyeshades and sleeve garters, that's fine.

The early 2000s were fun, except for the ruthless tabloid stuff. A return to kindness and propriety would be lovely. What about a modern Victorian vibe? Let's bring back visiting dresses and feather plumes. Let's speak only of the weather and recent sewing projects. Let's present callers as Lady Fizzlefeld of Hornswoggle Manor. Let us correspond by letter sealed with wax, not via social media. This! This is the only acceptable vibe shift!

It's safer than low-rise jeans, anyway.

Stephanie Hayes is a columnist at the Tampa Bay Times in Florida. Follow her at @stephhayes on Twitter or @stephrhayes on Instagram.

Photo credit: Karuvadgraphy at Pixabay