A celebrated opera diva once presented a recital for President Calvin Coolidge and his guests at the White House. Due to a case of bad nerves, the singer's performance was, to put it mildly, dreadful.

During the performance, someone whispered into Coolidge's ear, "What do you think of the singer's execution?" The president whispered back, "I'm all for it."

This is one of the frisky anecdotes in Mardy Grothe's delightful book "Viva la Repartee — Clever Comebacks and Witty Retorts from History's Great Wits and Wordsmiths." If you've ever delivered a razor-sharp riposte or rebuff — or, like me, thought of just the right reply five minutes too late — you'll savor this collection.

Grothe's sources range from Zsa Zsa Gabor, who, when asked how many husbands she'd had, replied, "You mean apart from my own?" to Mahatma Gandhi, who, when asked what he thought of Western civilization, replied, "I think it would be a good idea."

Here's a sampling from this Grothe industry:

Writer Alexander Woollcott, accepting the agonizing realization that his old and ailing cat would have to be put to sleep, told Dorothy Parker, "I don't have the faintest idea how to go about it." Parker replied with this ice pick: "Try curiosity."

In 1942 the actress Ilka Chase, who had just written her autobiography, "Past Imperfect," received this insult from an actor: "I thought your book was wonderful. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed it. By the way, who wrote it for you?" Chase replied, "I'm so glad you liked it. By the way, who read it to you?"

After absorbing a witty barb from fellow composer Oscar Levant, George Gershwin retorted, "Oscar, why don't you play us a medley of your one hit?"

When the sexy American actress Jean Harlow repeatedly mispronounced the first name of Lady Margot Asquith as "Mar-gut," Asquith sweetly corrected her with, "My dear, the 't' is silent, as in 'Harlow.'"

When a reporter for the London newspaper The Sun asked Noel Coward, "Have you anything to say to The Sun?" Coward replied, "Shine."

During a senatorial debate, Stephen Douglas accused Abraham Lincoln of being "two-faced." The craggy Lincoln turned to the crowd and asked, "If I had two faces, do you think I'd be wearing this one?"

When a French customs inspector examined Alfred Hitchcock's passport and saw his listed occupation as "producer," he asked, "What do you produce?" Hitchcock replied, "Gooseflesh."

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Connecticut, invites your language sightings. His new book, "Mark My Words," is available for $9.99 on Amazon.com. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via email to [email protected] or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Photo credit: Alexas_Fotos at Pixabay