Blooper Patrol Laps Up Lapses

By Rob Kyff

April 24, 2019 3 min read

The ever-vigilant Word Guy Blooper Patrol has been working overtime to apprehend examples of erroneous English:

1. "Not every relationship must somehow hue to a predictable path." Some can even make you blue. (Spotted by Judy King, Farmington, Conn.)

2. "Hopewell Valley Regional School District plans to tackle mental health 'epidemic.'" Is mental health breaking out all over? (Skip Livingston, Hopewell, N.J.)

3. "The hostages from the American Embassy in Iran ... were bussed through town on their way to the Thayer Hotel in West Point." Hugs and kisses for all. (Chris Ryan, New York City)

4. "(Gabby Williams is) a two-time All-American who took on a number of rolls with the Huskies." She's especially good at the shake-and-bake move. (Anonymous, via email)

5. "The company's streaming services, including CBS All Access and Showtime, are on tract to reach 8 million subscribers." Well, each Showtime drama does have its own plot. (John Rounds, Lawrenceville, N.J.)

6. "The world got its first peak (at Prince Louis)." He'll get by with a little 'alp from his friends. (Kay Davidson, West Hartford, Conn.)

7. "Daisy gained a new leash on life after Guzuman spotted her running on railroad ties on a bridge." But isn't that what Daisy was trying to avoid? (Dottie Lasley, Princeton, N.J.)

8. "Brian Bednard of East Granby adds some extra lines to secure his 38-inch power boat at Harbor Hill Marina." Why didn't he just pick it up and carry it inside? (Gretchen Hall, Storrs, Conn.)

9. "An appellate court ruled again that the sentence was 'a hair's breath away from illegal.'" A breath of fresh hair? (Moreland Houck, Trenton, N.J.)

10. "Poor people lack the media cache of Stormy Daniels, Michael Cohen, or a president." Well, those three have probably stashed press clippings away somewhere. (Carole Shmurak, Farmington, Conn.)

11. "The militants are hold up in a tent compound in Baghouz." By a tent pole? (Jack Wentland, via email)

12. "He was the town crier, warning the end is neigh." He must have gotten hoarse. (Jane Blanshard, via email)

13. "(In response to high gas prices) electric car owners ... weren't phased." They know Big Oil is just going through a phase. (Shelley Reed, Alameda, Calif.)

14. "Get Your Flue Shot!" Wouldn't that damage the chimney? (Mark Lander, Old Lyme, Conn.)

Corrections: 1. hew 2. mental illness epidemic 3. bused 4. roles 5. track 6. peek 7. lease 8. 38-foot 9. hair's-breadth 10. cachet 11. holed up 12. nigh 13. fazed 14. flu

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Connecticut, invites your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via email to [email protected] or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Photo credit: at Pixabay

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