Today, some random dispatches from the Word Front...

— 2,000 Pound Gorilla — A recent interview with Olympic snowboarder Fay Gulini triggered an avalanche of "tons": "There's a ton of risk, and there's a ton of fear in what we do," she said.

Columnist Milan Simonich of the Santa Fe New Mexican recently collected a ton of "tons" from news stories, e.g., "The Indianapolis Colts have a ton of issues"; "There's the prospect for a ton of good things"; "We haven't heard from a ton of other Republican senators on this."

Simonich writes, "No one knows how a ton became a measurement for emotions, troubles and triumphs. But every 2,000-pound dud saps vitality from the language."

— Rampant "Existential"ism — Peter Funt of the Wall Street Journal recently nabbed the repeat offender "existential." He asks, with appropriate existential angst, "Why are writers and politicians today trying so hard to shoehorn the word 'existential' into sentences?"

Yes, most of us believe climate change is an "existential" threat, but writers have been using the term to describe everything from Bitcoin to Brussels sprouts. A recent Yahoo headline reads, "French dressing faces an existential crisis." Oh, mon Dieu!

— How's That Again? — A recent newspaper headline about UConn Women's Basketball Coach Geno Auriemma read, "Auriemma plans to be on sidelines vs. Butler." Did that mean he would be on the sidelines coaching or that he had been sidelined, that is, not coaching?

Likewise, a letter to an advice columnist read, "My closest friend has been virtually out of touch for almost two years." Did that mean she's had almost no contact with her friend, or that her friend had made no contact via electronic (virtual) media?

— I mean, uh, right? — Two readers have written to complain about the verbal tics of TV interviewees. "I'm driven crazy when people being interviewed on radio or TV start every answer with 'I mean,'" writes Patty Clifton of Killingworth, Connecticut.

'Mean'while, Janice H. observes that many celebrity interviewees end almost every sentence with the checking question "right?"

— Onward and Upward — A friend recently pointed out the current proliferation of "aspirational." Indeed, during the past month, writers for the New York Times have described Berlin as an "aspirational city," labeled the Apple Watch "aspirational tech," and referred to the "aspirational thesis" of a speech by New York Gov. Kathy Hochul.

But the New York State motto IS "Excelsior" (Ever Upward), right?

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Connecticut, invites your language sightings. His new book, "Mark My Words," is available for $9.99 on Amazon.com. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via email to [email protected] or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Photo credit: cgarniersimon at Pixabay