Dear John: My husband "Mack" and I have been married four months. We met about a year ago, and it was love at first sight. Prior to meeting me, Mack had just broken up with a woman he had lived with for about three years. Everything about them was mismatched, and he claims he was miserable the whole time he was with her. The breakup was so messy he just left the home they owned together and never looked back.

The problem is that she still calls and emails him at work. He claims he doesn't respond. In fact — and this is the hard part — he hasn't broken the news to her yet that he has married someone else! He says it will just crush her because she had always wanted them to marry and have children. I think it's crueler to leave her thinking he's still available and all she has to do is "wait until he comes to his senses." — What Do You Think of This?, in Boston

Dear Think of This: He's behaving like a coward. When it comes to relationships — particularly ones that are over and done — honesty is always the best policy. You're so right to point out to him that what he is doing is cruel, not to say unusual. He couldn't do anything meaner to a Venusian. To make this point, ask him how he would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. Then, encourage him to do the right thing: Call the woman, tell her that he's moved on with his life and that he wishes she would do the same.

Dear John: My husband "Al" was laid off from his job. It was a job he really enjoyed. Thankfully, we already had a decent nest egg and he was given a nice severance package. Unfortunately, however, during this time, Al's father passed away and he discovered he had a health issue with which to deal. Of course, with all of this hitting him at once, I told him not to rush finding work, taking time first to grieve and do what he can to get himself together, emotionally and physically.

That was six months ago, and he has barely made an effort to find work. I have tried every possible way to motivate him; now, I find myself resenting him. He was our family's main breadwinner. But presently, we are living on my salary, which is only one-third of what he was making. The other day, I finally lost it and demanded he seek counseling to help him through his issues. Al promised he would, but that was over a week ago and he still hasn't done anything. What am I to do about this? — Worried Wife, in Wilmington, Del.

Dear Worried Wife: You're going to set the appointment with the counselor and ask him to accompany you to the session. Both of you need to get out your frustrations over what you've been through in order to reconnect and thrive again as a couple. After that first session, you can ask him to commit to go to counseling on his own, or if he prefers, you can keep going together. Please don't give up on him. He needs you now more than ever. By continuing to encourage him to do what he can to move beyond his current circumstances, you can both overcome anything that threatens to pull you apart.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email at: www.marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.