Dear John: I am a 32-year-old woman who has been married for four years. Can you give me a good description of intimacy and some suggestions for achieving it in marriage? — Connection Issues, in St. Louis

Dear Issues: It sounds like you're wanting to find the words to help you explain to your partner what you feel is missing in your relationship. Intimacy is often hard for a woman to explain to a man because she feels it in a different way. For a woman, intimacy is having a caring partner who can see the person she truly is and share this vision with her.

You reach a man on an intimate level when you let him know how his actions affect you in a positive way, and that these qualities are seen and loved by you. A woman wants to know the things she feels and believes are being honored. The way a man can reach a woman romantically is to let her know that she is cherished. Remember, a man responds best when he believes that she sees him as successful.

Dear John: I'm just 18 but have already found out that I know a lot about the world around me and my feelings. I'm in a relationship, not sexual, but intimate in the sense that we have feelings for each other. I don't think that I would do anything sexual given my age and the consequences. Then again, I also think that in this situation, people my age do these kinds of things, and my boyfriend might expect them from me. I'm not saying that I don't want to do them, but that I don't know how to deal with these things, or if I even want to deal with them now. — Uncertain, in Provo, Utah

Dear Uncertain: There are two kinds of intimacy: emotional and physical. For a long-lasting committed relationship, both are needed — as well as a true sense of self, which only comes from years of self-discovery through varied relationships and other life experiences.

Many males will rush into physical intimacy before they establish emotional intimacy with their partners. Many females need emotional intimacy prior to being physically intimate. No matter who you are and no matter your age, you should never do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. True friends understand this. Those that love you would not push you to act against your will or your better judgment. Feel comfortable saying, "I love you, but right now, I'd like to wait before getting physically intimate. As my friend, I hope you can understand." My guess is that he will.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email by going to www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.