Dear John, My husband "Andy" and I live in the same town as his parents. My father-in-law comes over to visit every day. Sometimes twice a day! Andy doesn't have the heart to talk to his dad about this. In fact, I don't think it bothers Randy all that much, but if it were my family, I'm sure he'd feel differently. One evening I had gotten in my pajamas early, about 7:30, and he came over and actually asked me why I was getting ready for bed so early. He's a nice man, but I just like my privacy and space — not to mention I'd like some time alone with my husband. —Privacy Needed in Parma, Ohio

Dear Privacy, You probably realize that your father-in-law's loneliness is what brings him around so often. That said, you do have a right to your privacy and to have time alone with your husband. If your goal is to make your point without causing hard feelings, and to do so with the support of your husband, then follow these steps.

First, carve out several standing "dates" with your husband each month. Ask him to put it on his calendar, and you do the same. That way you'll always know that both of you have made room for the time you need alone as a couple.

Second, sit down with your husband and, without directing blame toward anyone, ask him to back you up with a plan that helps contain your father-in-law's visits. Your solution could be a standing invitation to Dad, say, for Saturday morning, or maybe Sunday in the late afternoon so that he can enjoy both your company for a couple of hours each week. When Dad is there, give him your complete attention. Let him know that he is fully loved.

With your husband's support secured, you should also mention to your father-in-law that you welcome him for this weekly visit, but because of time constraints, you'd prefer that he call before stopping by to see if either of you are available.

The key to successfully communicating your message will be the words you choose and your tone of voice. If your husband feels he can spare more time or if he wants to give time to his father's impulsive visits, that's his decision, but you have now relieved yourself from any further obligations — and you've been assured of the "couple time" you both need.

Dear John, My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years. When "Jack" and I met, both of us were cigarette smokers. I quit smoking more than two years ago because I have a bad case of asthma.

Jack does nothing to curb his smoking around me, despite knowing how much it bothers me. When I complain, he goes into his office and shuts the door, but he won't open the window. Otherwise, he sits by the door, but of course the smoke blows right back in. I wouldn't complain so much except for the fact that he smokes at least two packs a day! My clothes smell, and I can't breath. When I complain, he gets angry. What should I do? —Needing Fresh Air in Holland, Mich.

Dear Fresh Air, Some of his reticence to meet your demands may be his resentment at your ability to stop, which makes his own addiction to tobacco that much more obvious. As much as you may want him to quit, the decision to stop is his to make, and even if he wants to do so, tobacco's addictive qualities won't make that easy.

You have two choices: In a tone devoid of accusations, you can ask him to agree on some ground rules that work for both of you. Perhaps he could agree to smoke outside of the house, or in a particular room in the house that has a window that can be opened. If he refuses, for your health's sake, consider the other alternative: Move out and agree to see him only in smoke-free environments.

The risks of secondhand smoke are real. We all compromise to make our relationships work. Some compromises are simply unwise choices.

Finally, looking into the new E-cigarettes, the "smoke" is a mixture of steam and nicotine, and it might help him get started down the road of kicking this deadly habit.

2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.