Dear John: I have been living with a woman for over two years. During this time, there has only been one two-week period in which we didn't have an argument over something trivial. When we argue, we don't speak to each other for several days. What can I do? I'm emotionally exhausted. How can we break this cycle? — Time for a Truce, in Philadelphia

Dear Truce: When a couple argues over trivial issues, it's an indication deeper issues are being left unaddressed. If there is a genuine desire on the part of both of you to improve this situation, start by committing to communicating honestly, and then ask her to join you in getting to the root of your relationship problems. This is a necessary step if your goal is to save and grow your partnership. If your conversations toward this effort end up in a stalemate, consider working with a counselor in order to break through some of the emotional barriers that are holding you back. A relationship is only as good as two people are willing and prepared to make it. Your future happiness is worth this kind of time and effort.

Dear John: I know from reading other columns that you've gotten a lot of mail regarding husbands who look at pornography on the Web. Is there anyway to make these guys understand how demoralizing this behavior can be to their wives? — An Unhappy Mate, in Madison, Wis.

Dear Unhappy Mate: Sometimes when I express understanding about why men look at porn, readers misinterpret this as my condoning the act at any time, which I don't. I've tried to point out that porn is and always has been a factor in our society, and many men do not realize that their interest in porn is demoralizing to the women who love them.

It all comes down to being a gentleman and showing consideration. If, during a private time, a husband wants to take a porn fantasy ride on the Internet, that's between him and his computer. It's quite another thing to say, "Honey, you go to the movies tonight, and I'm going to look at porn on the Internet." As I said before, if you're having this problem with your partner, ask him to privatize his porn time. Let him know that it hurts you and makes you feel less desirable. An important part of a loving relationship is respecting each partner's wishes. Make yours known, and hold him accountable to respond in a concerned and considerate manner.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email by going to www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.