Wife Wears Lingerie Lightly

By Martin and Josie Brown

January 2, 2014 3 min read

Dear John: I am a 36-year-old male who is happily married to a wonderful and beautiful 35-year-old woman. I frequently buy her nice lingerie, including panties and bras, and tend to associate these items with our intimate times together. She feels as if it is no big deal to wear these lingerie items during her everyday activities. I can't make her understand my discontent with this. How can I get over this and not worry about her wearing these things any day of the week? — Dressed for Distress, in Clearwater, Fla.

Dear Dressed: It could be that wearing these items reminds her of you, and perhaps because they make her feel happy, wanted and desirable, she wears them to carry a subtle reminder of you around with her throughout the day. Now you wouldn't deny her that, would you?

Dear John: Is it possible for my husband to have a platonic relationship with a waitress from a restaurant he frequently visits near his place of work? He has met her with our kids after work hours and at her home for my kids to play with her puppy, and she has given my 12-year-old son (whom she met only once) a birthday card and $25 gift card. Should I be threatened by this behavior? I have asked that he not see her other than maybe during his lunch break. He says she is only a friend, and that I'm not letting him have friends if I forbid him to see her. — When Is Close Too Close, in Denver

Dear Too Close: Mandates forbidding contact rarely succeed. When we forbid our partners to pursue innocent relationships, we create an issue of trust we'll regret at some point in the future. So don't go there. Instead, consider explaining your discomfort with the friendship and why you feel this way. How, for example, would he feel if all the facts were the same but reversed, and you had a growing friendship with a single male friend?

One way to diffuse the situation is for your husband to include the two of you in the social mix. Invite his friend along with others to a backyard cookout. How he and she act together should go a long way to reducing your concern, or perhaps, confirming your suspicions. Either way, you'll find out what kind of friend she truly is to him.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email by going to www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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