Dear John: My 39-year-old daughter has been involved with her 45-year-old boyfriend for three years. "Gina" wants marriage, but "Hank" avoids the topic. He claims he loves her, but will not commit to a ring or even speak of marriage. Both have been married before, but neither had children. Gina knows she is not getting any younger and she is tired of waiting. — Troubled Mom, in Tallahassee, Fla.

Dear Mom: Your concern is touching, but I'm sure you realize that your role is not to speak for her but to advise her if she should ask your opinion.

If she feels she has put enough time into the relationship without a commitment for marriage, she should tell him as much. Her tone should not be accusatory, hurt or angry. It should be calm and resolute, as if stating a fact: "Honey, I love you so much, and I know you love me. I'm at a point in my life where I want to devote my heart and soul to the man I call my husband. I hope you are that person. If you are not ready to commit, I want you to know that I love you, but it is time for me to move on. Lets both take two weeks to think about this."

This separation will give him time to realize if indeed she is the one he loves. And, if this is the case, he won't let her get away. However, should he not be ready for marriage, she will then be free to date others and find her soul mate. Either way, she wins.

Dear John: I'm a 33 year-old male who weighs 310 pounds and have never been in relationship with a woman for more then a month. It's very hard for me to get out and meet people because of my feelings about my weight and appearance. How can I look for someone that can just love me for me? — Frustrated, in Fairfax, Va.

Dear Frustrated: Visual appeal will always be a part of human attraction. However, another part of our appeal is not necessarily how we look but how we present ourselves to others. In other words, before others can appreciate us, we must first appreciate ourselves.

Women can more easily see past the physical to the spiritual than men. Your life is a gift to you and to the others who are fortunate enough to know you. Take advantage of all the wonderful things you are and let the world know that you are ready to love and be loved.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email by going to www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.