Dear John: My fiance makes sexual comments in every conversation we have. Lately, I am so uninterested in sex, mainly because of his preoccupation with it. He also thinks our honeymoon is going to be a 24-hour "you-know-what" fest, which it's not. After all, there is so much else we can do on our honeymoon. Can you tell me how to gently ask him to quit mentioning sex every two minutes? It's not like he doesn't get enough already. — Hoping He'll Cool Down, in Seattle

Dear Cool Down: Like many grooms, he is making the assumption that both of you will perform indescribable feats of fancy never before tried by other humans. He forgets two things. First, the emotional stress that takes place in the weeks preceding the wedding will take its toll on both of you, whether he wants to admit it or not. Second, as you already know, most men talk the talk but few have the physical stamina to walk the walk: In other words, the duration of his lovemaking may extend to no more than two or perhaps three times on any given night. Your real issue with him is how to get him to keep his fantasies to himself, and then share them with you behind the closed doors of your bridal suite.

Suggest to him that he not give away his dreams for the two of you, but that each day prior to the wedding, he write them down. Then, on your wedding night, you can read them together — and determine which ones will become a reality. If he still doesn't get it, let him know that the nonstop sex chat is a turnoff. Say it in this manner: "Honey, I love being with you, and it's more of a turn on to me if you talk about sex when we are about to be intimate. If you talk about it a lot at other times, it makes it less special for me." A man invariably is going to take a woman's lead on issues of intimacy because his primary goal is always to satisfy her romantic needs.

Dear John: I have a single lady friend in her 50s who is seeing her second cousin who is married. She is confused about whether to continue this relationship. They only see each other a couple times a year and don't live in the same state. I don't want to see her get hurt. What should she do? — Hoping to Help, in Hartford, Conn.

Dear Help: Your friend may want to consider the fact that when someone starts an affair before ending his or her current relationship, everyone has the potential of getting hurt. It's never good to leap into another relationship before first taking the time to consider what one truly wants from a primary partnership.

By taking this essential first step, he can then make a heartfelt decision to either separate from his current partner so that both of them may be freed up to find the happiness they seek, or they can reestablish the relationship under terms that they both agree upon. If they choose to separate, he then needs to take the time to date many people so that he can fine-tune his relationship needs and also determine areas in which he may have to compromise. Finally, should he then realize that your friend is indeed his soul mate, he can come to her with a clear conscience and an open heart.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email by going to www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.