Michele Bachmann, R-Old Testament, is doable. A little chunky in the calves, but I'd hit that all night. You know what I'm sayin'? Five up high! I'd wear that out!

Guys. We talk like that, especially when there are no chicks around and we're not on the job. And me, some of my friends aren't exactly employed in the human resources field.

But we all know that you can't say stuff like that at work. If Bachmann was the new hire where we work, we would not be able to go up to her on her second day and say, "Hey, you're makin' me crazy in that off-white suit with the skirt right at the knee. Let's go out to my car and I'll give some 'new-hire orientation.' If you know what I mean."

This is because, even if we are not in the human resources field per se, even if the human resources office is a thousand miles away in corporate headquarters where the secure jobs are, we know what will happen if our God-given urge to procreate with everyone causes us to comment on new-hire Bachmann's off-white skirt and the enticing wiggle within.

What will happen is that we will be summoned into supervisor Ray's office. There we will be told we have violated the company's sexual harassment policy and, even though we are pretty damn good at loading trucks or cost accounting, we are being let go, shot out of a cannon, thrown out a window, canned like a tuna.

In other words, we are being bullied by women, just like the whole culture is being bullied by gays.

We can't say what we want to women at work. We can't touch women at work. We can't use any of the 150,000 terms men use to describe women's tender parts. None of it.

And the bullying doesn't end with the low-end jobs, either. When Michele Bachmann stands up in front of a camera or on the floor of the house and drools out some Bible-backed piece of stupidity, one of her esteemed colleagues cannot stand up and say, "Michele, what is it, your time of the month or something? Geez!"

Bachmann says Americans are being bullied by gays. She said that to radio heil-meister Lars Larson, who has been married twice and is therefore allowed to make moral judgments. He listened very seriously. Maybe he wants to hit that, too.

That's how it goes in America. Women get tired of being groped by the boss and the bullying starts. African-Americans get sick of being lynched by moonshine-drinking dumbasses and they start bullying, demanding laws that will keep them from getting their necks stretched without benefit of a jury.

Every time some group of people is getting groped, insulted, degraded, refused service, denied health insurance or called names, the bullying starts until you can't insult, underpay, kill or rape ANYONE.

I'm an American, by God, and I'm not gonna be bullied anymore.

"Hey, Michele, wiggle it on over here, baby. Daddy's home."

To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com