Two weeks! Day care is closed for two weeks!

I'm getting dirty looks. Currently. At this very moment. As I type. I can't imagine why. Perhaps it's because I brought my kid to work. Perhaps it's because he is getting over a cold and has a cough that resembles mating season in a pigpen. Perhaps it's because there is no place for him to nap and he's exhaustedly sobbing and laughing simultaneously as he runs in and out of my co-workers' cubicles. Perhaps it's because I am pretending I don't notice while searching for ways to hide under my desk.

How do people do this? That's not a rhetorical question. I am actively seeking the answer as to what people do while their children are out of school. My dad was a teacher, so whenever we kids were home, so was he. But I'm not a teacher. Trust me; I'm fully examining my life's career choices right now. "Professor" has a nice ring to it. As do "princess," "pet psychologist" and "psychic" (so I could have seen this coming and planned better). My kid has two weeks off; my husband and I were given only Christmas Day and New Year's Day. So here I am, at work, with a toddler wreaking havoc on the entire office. My desk has been trashed. My computer crashed. It will be a Christmas miracle if I finish this column. I keep getting distracted. I keep getting pulled away. I keep losing my train of thought. Simply completing a sentence is a

So, as I was saying, Chipotle really ought to offer breakfast options. Toss an egg in that burrito and the restaurant would have me coming for meals three times a day. A drive-thru would be nice, too. I find I prioritize activities these days based on whether I will have to remove my kid from his car seat. There is a reason I haven't showered in nearly 2 1/2 years. It turns out that drive-thru carwashes look down on you if you open the windows and get naked as your car gets a scrub. But c'mon, whom am I hurting? Everything in life should have drive-

And now my son is taking off his clothes. I'm going to bet this violates state health codes — not to mention sexual harassment legislation. Do I tell my co-workers now or wait until I can wrangle clothes back on my child that he is not yet potty-trained? Be right back.

To continue, I'm a little lost on the whole reindeer front. For starters, were the reindeer magical from the get-go, or did St. Nicholas bless them? If they can all fly, then why does Santa always use the same nine reindeer? Couldn't he mix things up a bit? We know from documentaries, such as the animated classic "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," that there are many reindeer hanging out around Santa's pad. Does the only chance of breaking the ice ceiling come from a genetic deformity, such as a red nose that glows? And then, only for one night? Will you always be left like Rudolph, to spend the rest of your existence — which, seeing as everyone who shacks up with Santa seems to live forever, is really the external existence of all time — reliving your glory day? It's one thing to be in your 70s telling grandchildren about the days when you were the record-breaking quarterback at your high school. It's another thing to be 2,014 years old and retelling the same other eight reindeer the story about that one time you flew through fog for 24 hours. We know, Rudolph. We know. Jeez, how many times do we have to hear about it? No wonder everyone laughed and called him names. Believe me; it had nothing to do with the nose — a nose that probably isn't even unique anymore. Not to get too graphic, but after that one flight with Santa, I'm betting Rudolph did A-OK with the ladies. A few generations later, there's got to be

Someone brought in Christmas cake pops — sugar, wrapped in sugar, coated in sugar — and just gave one to my toddler. Oh, yeah, sure. That will calm him down. Now he's trying to break dance. Are you folks mad?! Has none of you seen "Gremlins"? Sugar equals water. Don't feed the animals. I repeat, do not feed the animals!

So, as I was saying, my Pilates class

Like Katiedid Langrock on Facebook, at http://www.facebook.com/katiedidhumor. Check out her column at http://didionsbible.com. To find out more about Katiedid Langrock and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.