Rocky Starts

By Katiedid Langrock

June 13, 2020 5 min read

The first night in our RV, we slept in the dealership's parking lot. A week later, we slept there again. I think it is safe to say we are not off to the best start.

I keep thinking about that old adage about how a bad wedding day is a sign for a good marriage. During particularly rough patches in my marriage, I would curse my own relatively drama-free wedding day. If only the venue had caught fire or a rogue mountain lion had bolted down the aisle and taken off with my bouquet and veil, my husband and I wouldn't be in this mess! Alas, there was no 200-pound feline disrupting my vows.

My best friend had the good fortune of seeing her uncle punch out a waiter during her father-daughter dance. And if that wasn't good enough, as extra icing on her five-tiered wedding cake, her brother took a lug wrench and smashed in the windows of cars in the parking lot until he was arrested. No wonder she and her husband seem to have the perfect marriage. I tell ya, some brides get all the luck.

The only real drama I had was when my dad misplaced his socks, causing us to arrive late. A few stress tears were streamed in the changing room, and then it was nothing but happy tears and smiles and laughter for the rest of the evening. It's a wonder my husband and I haven't already gotten divorced.

I've never quite understood this notion of a bad beginning's equaling a good ending, but I certainly hope it's true when it comes to life in an RV.

We were told to take our new motorhome out for a week before doing any major trips. I guess it's not all too dissimilar to moving in with your fiance. The idea was that we could see what needs to be fixed and what we need to buy before we are too far away to fix the problems. It's a good thought. And things did break.

Our first night was spent at the dealership in sweltering heat, after a number of problems got us the keys to our new home far later than expected, and an oversight in not purchasing a surge protector kept us from plugging the RV in (and getting air conditioning) during the lightning storm that evening.

The next morning, we bought the surge protector and took off, only to have water come pouring down on my husband's head as he drove us out of the parking lot. We were encouraged by the workers to take our weeklong journey and have the leak looked at, along with any other problems, upon returning. After all, they assured us, we would have more problems. And we did.

The jacks wouldn't go down. The sides wouldn't go out. We weren't sure when something was the RV's error or our own. Is the machine messing up, or are we? The windows rattled open. The light fixture covers rattled off. We almost hit a tiny red sedan. OK, I almost hit a tiny red sedan. We had to pull over when some molding came off and began flapping in the wind. When we arrived at camp, I realized that my sewer hose, which came with the RV, was broken.

The man in the site next to ours let us borrow his extra hose.

"Just make sure you click it securely," he advised as he walked away. I nodded gravely. I turned the hose until it clicked and released the "black water." Sewage spilled all over my feet and the bottom of my pants. My husband looked as if he might throw up.

"Welp, now we know not to wear long pants and to put on water shoes next time. Just in case."

And maybe that's the whole point of the notion that a bad wedding day leads to a good marriage. If you get through it with the attitude of "next time" and learn something, that will be how you approach any obstacle in your marriage. Next time, we will do better.

Two days ago, we finished our weeklong trip and dropped the RV off for repairs. Or we tried to, but we had lost the keys to our car and had to spend one more night at the dealership.

Not the best start. I'm thinking we'll have a great trip.

Katiedid Langrock is author of the book "Stop Farting in the Pyramids," available at http://www.creators.com/books/stop-farting-in-the-pyramids. Like Katiedid Langrock on Facebook, at http://www.facebook.com/katiedidhumor. To find out more about her and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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