What a fool I am. Here I had convinced myself that because I had returned to work after my first baby, I would have no problem leaving my second. As if the heart doesn't expand to the point of nearly severing when you have another child. As if that baby is not another human whom you feel you are abandoning.

I recently returned to work, and I thought it would be easy. I recently returned to work, and it was anything but.

I'm lucky. I love my job. It is creatively fulfilling and exciting, and I get to feel as if I'm making a small mark on the world. And yet...

Six short miles away, a 3-year-old attends preschool and a 16-week-old has a different set of eyes on her as she reaches new and frequent milestones. It's hard. Even for those of us who want to work, it's hard. And it doesn't help when most of us can't afford not to work.

As I did when I returned to work after having my son, I find myself trying to come up with get-rich-quick schemes that could keep me home longer. I began buying lottery tickets and have been at it for nearly a month now. Am I the only one who is shocked my hard labor has yet to pay off? I pick numbers and everything! Don't get me wrong; I'm not trying to say that it isn't fair I didn't win the billion dollars. I'm just saying that I was clearly cheated.

Entering my email address daily to win the HGTV Dream Home is my contingency plan just in case that whole lotto thing doesn't work out.

In addition to playing my odds, I've explored options on how to be more proactive with making money. Did you know that kids on YouTube make millions of dollars by just being annoying? Look, Piper, you're cute and all, but I wouldn't exactly call pulling a quarter out from behind your dad's ear a "magic trick." And it certainly wasn't worth the 5 1/2 minutes I spent watching the tutorial, let alone the time it took to access the video out of Wi-Fi range.

In fact, her whole act is alarming. Piper clearly got the quarter from her dad and then makes him relive that mistake in front of her YouTube fan base as she repeatedly takes more quarters — all presumably from his ear. What are we teaching our children about the value of money if we show them that it just grows on ear hairs? And who is looking out for the hardworking folks like Piper's dad, who not only had to provide the quarters but also must look at himself in the mirror and think about how his bratty 6-year-old is making 10 times his salary, right before he scrubs up for brain surgery?

If "Piping Hot Magic Tricks with Piper" can be a thing, why can't I? Granted, watching a 30-something pulling money out of people's ears is at best lame and at worst assault, but there must be other things I could do. For example, I've been known to make a Hula Hoop go around my waist 12 times before it falls to the ground. OK, 11.

Fine! Perhaps my talents are lacking, but I believe I have great stage mom potential; the last season of "Toddlers & Tiaras" is still on my DVR! I know that my daughter isn't supposed to start solid foods until she is at least 6 months old, but would you call Pixy Stix a solid? If we bought the deluxe rainbow pack, we could call my kid's new YouTube show "The Many Colors of Daughter's Drool Hour." I'm pretty sure any accredited art school would give university credit on color theory for watching our program.

In addition to YouTube stardom, I've considered many more practical ideas, such as opening a bar in my home, holding a leprechaun for ransom, selling individual blades off grass on eBay to drought-afflicted Californians, and taking my Hula Hoop act on the road as a street performer.

I'm sure one of these get-rich-quick fixes will come to fruition soon. In the interim, I continue to kiss my angel goodbye in the mornings and live for the photo updates that come throughout the day.

Ooh! Baby model! How did I not think of that?

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