Chris, a retired businessman, was planning his wedding to Lois, a grocery store clerk when he brought up the topic of a prenuptial agreement.

Lois didn't like the idea at all.

"Why do we need a prenup? Our marriage will last forever."

With his significant mutual funds accounts and real estate, Chris was adamant about signing a prenup as a condition of the marriage. He had a son and a grandson whom he wanted to inherit his assets, though he also said he would provide adequately for Lois should he die first.

The prenup was a deal-breaker.

Reluctantly, Chris realized that Lois' main interest in him was his considerable wealth. He broke their engagement - and considers himself a lucky man.

Prenuptial agreements - or at least a discussion about them - are a must for older people who are planning to marry. By 50, many have acquired personal assets, such as inheritances, perhaps divorce settlements, home equity, and stocks and bonds. How to protect them should be considered before going into a marriage.

A prenup is doubly important if there are children and/or grandchildren involved. Prenups are a practical way to settle, in advance, how to divide assets should divorce or death occur.

Michael is adamant that he would never marry again without a prenuptial agreement. He's been married twice and says that both divorces left him close to bankruptcy and having to rebuild his business from ground zero once again.

Michael admits to being conflicted, though. The problem: "If we love each other why can't we trust each other? A prenup says that we are afraid the marriage will fail."

Lee Borden, a lawyer and divorce mediator in Birmingham,Ala., says that the argument has merit.

He agrees that signing a prenup "may be prudent but premarital agreements just don't feel good. It feels like you're giving up on your marriage before you even get started."

Painful as it may be to consider when thinking about marrying again, about 25 percent of older people's marriages do end in divorce, reports the online site at www.50plus.com/relationships.

And an advance agreement on how resources will be divided is a way to avoid a protracted legal process in case of divorce or separation.

Here are some of the situations in which a prenup takes on urgency:

1. If your net worth exceeds your partner's.

2. You own or are a partner in a business.

3. There are children from a previous marriage and you want some assets to be earmarked for them.

4. You have inherited family property that you want to keep in the family.

Let's say you want to do the prudent thing. How do you go about drawing up a prenup?

Borden suggests considering a prenup as soon as a relationship becomes serious, before setting a marriage date and, maybe, even before proposing. Once you agree, it's smart to sit down and discuss your fiscal situation in detail before contacting lawyers.

"The more that you can settle between yourselves in advance, the less money and time will be spent in the lawyer's office," Borden says.

Honesty about your assets and liabilities is an essential part of any agreement. Otherwise, if the prenup is needed some day, it may not be enforceable.

In choosing lawyers, look for those who have experience with prenups. If the lawyers are not knowledgeable, they may take excessive time and, ultimately, produce a many-page document. Many prenups can be adequately done in five or six pages.

It's also wise to look for lawyers who are comfortable with each other. While you should talk separately with your lawyer about your concerns, it can be a good idea to hold joint sessions with everyone involved to thrash out the details and the risks and rewards for each person.

You can expect prenups to take up to six months to prepare and to cost $1,500 or more.

Now, with all the above said, it's still pretty rare for older couples to sign a prenuptial agreement.

Take our example, for instance. We have each been married twice. Kate's first marriage was annulled and Joe's first wife died.

To our credit, we did think about doing one but decided that no such document was necessary.

It helped, though, that neither of us had a million bucks, lots of jewels or property to leave to our children and grandchildren.

Wisdom, however, suggests that our decision way may not be ideal for many other couples.

E-mail Joe Volz at [email protected], or write to 2528 Five Shillings Road, Frederick, MD 21701.

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