Dear Jenny: My husband has an opportunity to take an out-of-state position within his company. We have never moved before, and we currently live in the town where we both grew up. My husband is excited about the opportunity, and I know I should be happy for him. But the thought of moving away from my family and friends puts me in a state of panic! We have children who are in elementary school, and they don't want to move either. I am trying to be supportive of this new opportunity but wonder if I will resent him if we end up moving. What do you think I should do? — Carrie

Jenny says: I don't blame you for feeling apprehensive. Moving is a big decision and deserves careful planning by all involved. Nothing is scarier than believing your ties to home will be cut completely — but that doesn't have to be the case. If you decide to move, perhaps a monthly visit home, or every other month, will help ease the transition.

Talk to your husband about the difficulties you'll face along the way and work together about possible solutions. Moving can often put a strain on a marriage, especially if one spouse doesn't really want to relocate. Open and honest communication will be critical during this time. Try drawing up a list of pros and cons, and discussing each and every one in detail, being careful not to pass off any item as unimportant.

Most likely the dialogue will help you find the reason for your hesitation in moving. If and when you discover the reason, discuss what can be done to resolve the issue. It takes strength and courage to truly express yourself and show your vulnerable side. Harboring feelings and not sharing your thoughts will build resentment, and, as we all know, resentment can steal the love right out of a marriage. Share your concerns, but also listen. Stay open to different outcomes. In the end, you and your husband must decide together if moving is the right decision for your family. Good luck!

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