Dear Margo: I have an issue that simply will not go away. Last year, I met a man I thought was "the one." I lived in London, he in the States (where I came from). After frequent overseas visits by both of us, he convinced me to move to the U.S. to be with him and eventually marry.

He had all sorts of reasons why he could not be the one to make the move, although there were plenty of career-enhancing moves he could have made in Europe. Anyway, I quit my job, gave up my lease (along with a brilliant career opportunity) and moved thousands of miles away from what had become my home.

After approximately eight weeks, I'd landed on my feet: got a new job, bought a car and started to make friends. At the end of these eight weeks, he took me out for dinner and unceremoniously dumped me. I was absolutely broken, but I moved out 10 minutes later and found my own flat after squatting at a friend's for a week.

I was devastated and didn't stop crying for two months. I simply threw myself into work and tried to move on. Then, messages began getting back to me that he relayed to friends everything I told him in confidence, plus he found me "sexually disgusting." Then he boasted that he knew I would take him back in a heartbeat (very much not the case). I have been eaten up with fury. The sheer cruelty of the guy appalls me.

Anyway, fast-forward six months and I am out of mourning, got a promotion, and I'm with the most amazing down-to-earth guy. But I can't let go of the anger, totally trust my wonderful new guy, or let go of constant fantasies of revenge (which I'd never implement, for the same reason I kept the gloves on during my ex's frightful behavior). I need to stop being angry. — Knowing Better, but Furious

Dear Know: I take my hat off to you. You could not have handled yourself more like a lady. As to this man's despicable behavior, sometimes there is no answer for what drives people to behave miserably. Your anger is justified, but carrying it around damages you, not him. (You may need a counselor to help with this.) At some point it is enough to say: I am right and he is wrong.

As for revenge fantasies, go with the old adage that living well is the best revenge, and that's what you are doing. Regarding trusting the new guy, just remind yourself that he ain't the old guy; he is someone different. Do not sabotage yourself. Enjoy your new happiness. — Margo, victoriously

The Joy of Sox

Dear Margo: I recently married the love of my life (after six years of being single), and he has given me the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom so that I can take care of my two children from a previous relationship. I have taken on all of the responsibilities of a homemaker from cooking dinner most nights to doing the laundry.

One thing that has given me pause is the fact that my husband throws his socks into the basket without turning the socks right side out. I don't want to reach into dirty socks to turn them right side out. Is it too much to ask that he turn them right side out himself before tossing them in the basket? — Disconcerted with Socks

Dear Dis: I am going to channel my mother on this one. It is a piece of advice she gave me long ago. She actually used leaving socks on the floor as the example. Her position was that the little stuff wasn't worth making a fuss over or getting annoyed about. In your situation, this man sounds like a gem, so maybe turning his socks inside out is not too much to do for him. (If this chore really grosses you out, put on rubber gloves when you do it.)

And perhaps you might say — once — "Darling, it would be such a help if you could turn your socks right side out when you take them off." Or, to be practical, wash them the way he leaves them, because that is actually the part that needs laundering. — Margo, prudently

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.