Dear Margo: My younger sister, "Tammy," is getting married in August, and she's turning into a real bridezilla. I am one of the bridesmaids for the wedding. The drama started when my husband and I announced that we were expecting our first child. My sister accused us of getting pregnant "to ruin her wedding." She is now upset because people (supposedly) will be paying attention to me and not her at the wedding. (I'll be six months pregnant.)

Now she has crossed another line. I have been instructed that I am "not allowed" to have a farmer's tan on the day of the wedding. I ride horses and spend a lot of time in the sun. Even though I apply sunscreen with a high SPF, I still end up with a farmer's tan every summer. I told my mom Tammy is going to have to deal with it; it is unavoidable, and I'm not going to a tanning salon. Mom says I'm being terrible, and she doesn't want bitterness and arguing on the wedding day.

I'd just as soon not be in the wedding, but my sister thinks that would look even worse. Am I being stubborn, or has she crossed the line with her orders about how my body should or should not look on her "special day"? — Had About Enough

Dear Had: Your sister's conspiracy theory that you arranged your pregnancy to pull focus on her wedding day tells me that she is majorly insecure and perhaps does not have the fondest feelings for you. You do not say what the relationship was like before the nuptial plans, but my guess is not great.

Like pregnancy, a tan is an act of nature and certainly nothing you can undo. If you want to go the extra mile, I suppose you could put bronzer on the parts of your skin that remain untanned, but that is your call. I agree that the bride-to-be has delusions regarding what she has a say about, so I would tell her you cannot change the fact of your pregnancy or your exposure to the sun, but you'll gladly be a guest at the wedding to spare her talk of the pregnant bridesmaid with the tan lines. Invite her to make the call. More than this you cannot do. — Margo, normally

Punishing Silences

Dear Margo: I am a 30-something single mother of two. I've largely stayed away from the dating scene so I could spend much-needed time with my kids. But I recently met someone for whom I've fallen head over heels. Unfortunately, he's in the military, stationed 4,200 miles away.

He is just wonderful. We can spend three hours on the phone, and it seems like 20 minutes. We both feel the same way about each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together. The hitch is that when he is upset about something, he shuts me out and won't respond to me for two or three days. This really wears on me because I never know what's happened. My mother used to do this to me when I was younger — wouldn't talk to me for days on end — so this is a real hot button for me. I want this to work, but I don't know what to do. — Looking for a Workaround

Dear Look: How lucky can you get? A guy who pulls the same punitive stunt your mother did! Before you get in deeper, you need to tell your military man that unexplained silences about unnamed issues are not in your plans. Whether or not you tell him of your mother, he needs to know that when you've said something he finds upsetting, he must discuss it with you ... at the time. If he cannot correct this not inconsequential problem, I don't see a happy future together. — Margo, directly

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at www.creators.com/dearmargo. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.