Dear Margo: My husband and I have had the best and the worst over 25 years of marriage, during which we've seen at least three different therapists. He had two consecutive adulterous affairs about five years ago for which we received counseling.

Things seem better now, but I still have my doubts. One of our counselors advised him against nurturing close business or platonic relationships with women in his professional and social circles. The counselor told him they emotionally replaced our own relationship that we were trying to rebuild.

Over the last three years, there has been a female colleague with whom he's maintained frequent contact, even though they are no longer employed by the same corporation. I have pointed out to him that this particular relationship makes me feel quite uneasy. I have met her, and in some very distinct ways she reminds me of his second mistress.

I have discovered he is deceptive about the frequency of their communication. Every time I use his computer, her instant message icon flashes up to say she's online. Her number shows up frequently on our cellular bill. He says it's all business, but she contacts him about home decor, parenting tips or just to show him pictures of her new baby.

He assures me the relationship is not a threat to our marriage and tries to encourage us to be friendly. Do people really change after multiple sessions of therapy? — K.P.B.

Dear K.: Some people do change as a result of therapy. Unfortunately, your husband doesn't seem to be one of them. The fact that you told him this particular "friendship" is problematic for you, yet he insists on continuing it, says quite a lot.

Were I you, given your history, I would tell him that cooling it with this woman is the least he can do for you — and the marriage. If he chooses not to, then tell him you have finally found the wall . . . the one with the handwriting on it. You might want to follow that up with "Goodbye, and good luck."

Dear Margo: How do you handle a person who constantly disagrees with whatever you say? My mother seems to correct, disagree or play the expert with whomever she's talking (no matter what the topic or how subjective it is) in almost every conversation. For example, if I made a comment like "the sky is really blue today," she would reply, "Well, I think it's more violet."

She has done this as long as I can remember, but I never noticed it until she did it to my husband. My siblings and my dad just got used to it.

I feel like I'm being pelted with tiny bullets whenever I'm around her. It is so bothersome that we've reduced our visits. I have never confronted her about this habit, as she doesn't take well to criticism. Should I just stand by and ignore it? Should I say something (and risk the punishment)? — Battered

Dear Bat: If you're old enough to have a husband, my dear, it is safe to say that your mother is too old to undo this habit. I think you and your husband should take a cue from the rest of the family: Accept it and ignore it.

People like your mother ("the world's greatest experts," as a friend calls them) have something ornery and insecure built into their personalities, and the proper response is silence. There is nothing you could say that would help the situation.

As for your visits to The House of Correction, go when it suits you, and go knowing that, under that violet sky dwells a woman who is argumentative and lacking confidence. If you think about it, it's kind of sad that she feels the need to always be right.

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.